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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24617614">Primary Connection</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlipOfAScribe/pseuds/SlipOfAScribe'>SlipOfAScribe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Primary and Secondary [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stardew Valley (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, M/M, Male Slash, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:02:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24617614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlipOfAScribe/pseuds/SlipOfAScribe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alecander West inherited his grandfather's farm and moved to Pelican Town to take it over. Shane is a broken man, using alcohol to numb his guilt of the past. When Alec keeps popping up in Shane's life, he has no choice but to question the direction of his life and maybe find a reason to live.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shane/Male Player (Stardew Valley)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Primary and Secondary [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779820</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m basing the symptoms, habits, and reactions of depression, anxiety, dissociation, and suicidal thoughts on my own experience. There are many ways that people express anxiety and depression, and this fic does not do everyone’s experience justice. I do believe it accurately reflects my own experience, though. If you are experiencing any symptoms of depression and anxiety, please reach out to someone for help. It may not go away, but it can get better. Natioanl Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Letter-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alecander West sat at his desk in Joja Corp. staring at the computer screen and thinking about putting a gun in his mouth. It would be the easy way out of everything, and if he went up to the corporate offices, he could make a big ole mess right on the CEO's new carpet. But then Larry, the janitor, would be the one to have to clean it, and that wouldn't be fair to the poor guy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Alecander clicked his mouse into the next box, typed in the next round of invoice numbers, he suddenly remembered the letter. He glanced around and found his co-workers all absorbed at their desks and not a supervisor in sight. Pulling open the drawer, he saw the letter neatly tucked inside and pulled it out. It was something his late grandfather had left him, and Alecander had been too distraught over the man's loss to open it right away. So he'd put it there to wait until he was ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sat on his palm now as though he were weighing the contents, but no matter how hard he stared at it, he couldn't see the words on the other side. He would have to open it. So, Alecander took a deep breath and finally opened it, seven months after it had been given to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Westfold Farm. Stardew Valley. Pelican Town.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't far outside of Zuzu City, but it might be far enough for Alecander to get away from all this shit. Maybe a quiet farming town would be a good place for him to get his head right. But farming? Alecander had been many things in his thirty-four years, but farmer wasn't one of them. College drop-out, soldier, mental patient, unemployed in his mom's house, data entry clerk, and now farmer? Well, farming wasn't the craziest thing on that list. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Folding the letter carefully, Alecander tucked it into his back pocket and grabbed his work badge. He went to the front desk at the entrance of the large, dull beige building and slapped the badge down in front of the security officer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey Clark," he said with an unnatural smile for this dreary shithole. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh hey, Alecander. What's uh, what are you doing?" He looked at his watch, found it wasn't noon yet, and looked back in confusion. No one left before lunch. Hell most people didn't leave for lunch at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I quit, Clark. Can't do this anymore. So I'm handing in my badge. Mail me any paperwork, okay?" He tapped his fingers on the counter and turned away with a wave over his shoulder. "You're better than this place, Clark. You should really find a life outside of Joja Corp." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"W-w-wait! Alecander. I don't know how this works. I don't think-" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't hear the rest of Clark's sentence as he walked out and the front door slammed with a heavy resonance. Well, okay, it didn't sound any heavier than any other day except for the knowledge that Alecander would never step back inside giving it that feel of finality that felt good. It felt right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That day, he began packing. That week he bought up a second-hand pickup truck that seemed good for farming. That weekend he was driving out of the city to Pelican Town.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The Farm-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive into the valley from the city was nice. Early spring weather meant Alecander could roll the windows down in his truck and rest an arm on the window ledge. A thrum of nervous energy ran through him as he pulled away from the city and drove into the valley. He wasn't sure what there was to be scared about; visiting new places was something that had been put on him for years. Hell, he'd had his ass dragged to Gotoro to fight in a war. Coming to a small town should not be as scary as fighting in a war. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he pulled up the main road, it became dirt and split into two sections, one to the right with a sign that was faded but said Westfold Farm, and one to the left that read Pelican Town. He went right. The road was long and came through a forest, but when he pulled into the property and parked the truck, Alecander was a little lost for words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The farmhouse was more of a cabin at most, and from outside it looked nice. The roof needed work, though. The fields needed clearing. And there was some broken down building nearby that may have been a barn or greenhouse at some point. Fuck. He had a lot of work on his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that's why he came, wasn't it? He needed to put his mind to something else, and this project would certainly take a lot of his brain power. Good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander cut the truck off and climbed out, stretching his arms over his head and working out the kinks from the few hours of driving. He took in a deep breath and relaxed. The air was nice up here, and it smelled weird. Earthy, but nice. He stuffed his hands in his jeans' pockets and walked around the property a bit, getting a feel for everything. It was a good thing he came from money because he would not be making much the first year with this mess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pushing open the door to the house carefully, he was hit by a pungent decaying smell. This place had been shut up for a while and he was sure something had died in that fireplace. He went to the windows and yanked them open to get some air flow then stepped back outside and stood on the porch. Looking down the pathway that led to town, he saw two people come walking down the lane. An older man with a mustache and brown cap and a pretty red headed woman with strong looking arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned his shoulder against the porch post and watched them approach. When they got close, he gave a little wave but didn't move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You must be Mr. West," said the man. He reached a hand out as he climbed the steps of the house. "I'm Mayor Lewis. I knew your grandfather."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander raked his eyes up and down before reaching a hand out. "Pleasure. But please, call me Alecander."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayor Lewis nodded. "This here is Robin. She's our local carpenter, and likely your new best friend as you get this place up and running again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander stuck a hand out to her which she took. "Good to meet you, Robin."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you. Though I gotta say, this place is a mess Mr. Alecander. You know it'll take a lot of work?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Robin!" Mayor Lewis gasped as though she'd just said something amazingly offensive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure do, ma'am. But that's just fine with me." Alecander smiled. "I'm no stranger to hard work. Though, if you're a carpenter, I could certainly use some advice on this roof." He jerked a thumb back at the building for emphasis. "When you've got the time, that is."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robin smiled and Alecander thought again that she was pretty. Not his type, but aesthetically very nice. He appreciated her straightforward attitude, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely. I could always use the business."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Polite, but Alecander didn't miss the point. Payment was expected. "Perfect. I'll take a few days to settle in and then we can strike something up." He would need to get to know a lot of the businesses in town, he was sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Robin nodded and looked at Mayor Lewis who had fallen quiet during their exchange. He looked slightly uncomfortable as Alecander studied his face again. He looked like a man who was comfortable within the bounds of interactions he could predict and think a few steps ahead in. This was different; Alecander was a new element with habits the mayor didn't yet understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you need anything at all, please let me know," Mayor Lewis said with a definitive nod. "My door is always open to the folks of Pelican Town, you included now. If you get a chance, come to town and take a look around. Pierre will have starter seeds, Marnie has farming equipment on her ranch, and if you're into fishing, Willy runs the shop at the docks."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander shuffled the names in his brain and tried to store them away in his memory. It would likely take him a few weeks for that to settle in. A shame. Alecander used to be great with names before his stint in the mental hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, he nodded like he got it all and held out his hand. "Again, it was a pleasure to meet you both. I'm sure I'll see you in town in the next few days."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They each shook his hand and were off again, strolling back down the lane toward town. Alecander watched them until they disappeared down a tree lined lane then looked back out over what would eventually be his farm. A lot of work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting things moved into the house proved annoying. He didn't want to fill spaces that would clearly need work, but he also didn't want to leave his truck full of his shit. Likely, he'd need it to make a few runs into town and the ranch for equipment after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cabin itself had an open build with an area for a living room to one side, a bathroom tucked next to that, and an efficient kitchen with enough room to put a small dining table and a couple chairs. The master bedroom was upstairs, and there was a guest bedroom, too. Also, in the kitchen was what looked like a root cellar. Alecander was not ready to brave that one. The place was enough for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was well into the night when Alecander finally kicked off his shoes, stripped down to his boxers, and fell into bed. He fell to sleep thinking he didn't even shower first and would regret that tomorrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The Town-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took two days for Alecander to get his truck emptied. It should have been sooner than that, but he found himself lounging on his front porch enjoying the soft noises of the woods around him and the fresh air. Things were inside, but a lot sat in their boxes. Still, it was good enough that he felt like a day in town would be nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starting up the pickup, Alecander had to turn it over a couple times before the ignition took. He gritted his teeth at this, hoping he didn't need to fix the thing so quickly after buying it. It made the trip into the town proper though, and Alecander parked in the small lot near the few stores. Not many cars around, but there were people wandering the town.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he stepped out of the truck into the neatly paved streets, Alecander drew looks immediately. Not surprising with how small the place was, but he still felt a sudden overwhelming desire to get back in the truck and drive off. Instead, he rubbed the back of his neck and then dragged his hand through his messy, brown hair to retie it in a bun. It had the look of purposefully messy, and was everything the military hadn't allowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking around it was easy to spot the grocery. Pierre's name was plastered on it, and it filled the memory of Lewis giving out names the first day. Alecander patted his butt pocket making sure his wallet was there before he walked across the square to the store. When he pulled open the door, a woman with deep purple hair was about to push from the other side and she made a surprised noise as she looked at him. He offered a smile, stepped aside and pulled the door open for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Pardon me, miss." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh." She blushed and hurried out, not looking back as she wound her way along a path that went up an incline away from the plaza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander ducked inside and was surprised at how large the space was. There were a couple neat rows of shelved goods, a few trays of fresh fruits and veggies along the other side, and raw goods and jars along a wall. Behind a counter was a man with a large smile and glasses. Something about him made Alecander uncomfortable. He couldn't place it, and brushed it aside. Returning the smile, he came up to the counter and set his hands on top, leaning and looking at the products in the glass. Starter seeds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Welcome to Pierre's! You must be that new farmer who just moved in. Mr. West's grandson, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's right. Name's Alecander. I'm guessing you're Pierre?" He lifted a hand for a handshake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pierre nodded. "What can I get you today, Alecander?" He shook his hand. "All my produce is fresh, and I always have seasonal seeds at the ready. Even a few saplings in the back."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the two days Alecander had sat at his new home, he'd made a point of studying up on farming. He remembered a few times as a little kid visiting the farm, too. As he looked down at the seeds, he saw the ones he wanted immediately and felt some anxiety slipping away. He put in his order and Pierre brought all the packets up for him to inspect. He looked, to be polite, but had no idea what constituted a good or bad seed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you for your help with this," Alecander said as he pulled out cash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, no, thank you for your patronage. Come back any time you need anything." Pierre smiled widely and Alecander got that off feeling again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On his way out, he held the door open for another person. A man this time in an old sweatshirt and a pair of eyes so sad that Alecander froze as he looked into them for a moment. He was staring, he realized, when the man frowned at him and ducked his head. Swallowing hard, Alecander quickly shuffled away and dumped his goods in through the open window of his truck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought a moment about rolling the windows up and locking the doors now that he had items inside, but this didn't seem like the place where that was necessary. In Zuzu City, Alecander would never leave anything unattended. Here felt different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned and looked around again, wondering where he should go next. Then he caught sight of Mayor Lewis at the same time that the man spotted him. He should have turned away, gave a polite wave and made his way somewhere else, but Alecander instead let Lewis come over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was how he ended up being led around town and introduced to more people than he could possibly remember. They ended the tour at the Stardrop Saloon near nightfall, and the place was full of people. People whose faces looked familiar but whose names Alecander hadn't had time to remember.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those people included that man with the sad eyes. He was sitting at a corner table, hands wrapped around a beer mug and sad eyes gazing at its depths like he expected the beer to give him the answers to the world's most pressing questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Alecander had never been someone who had believed in something like love at first sight, but there was definitely a draw to this man that he could not deny. It felt like the man was waiting for something or someone to swoop in and save him, and for some damned reason, Alecander wondered if it could be him to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Let's get a seat over here." Mayor Lewis's voice cut through the rush of thoughts that had overcome Alecander's mind. "I'll introduce you to Marnie, since you said you needed equipment. Clint will be here, too eventually, and he'll have tools."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tearing his eyes from the sad eyed man, Alecander followed Lewis to a table full of people. He was starting to feel like an animal in a cage being circled by too many people at once. Still, he put on a smile and hoped this would all be worth it.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The New Guy-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane Barton was a mess of a person. He knew it, and everyone around him knew it. All you had to do was spend five minutes with him and you could see it plain as day- Shane was a broken waste of space who cursed everyone who got close to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only time Shane could forget it about himself was when he drank enough to dull the memories of that night five years ago. It was easy. He just built on a habit he'd started twelve years ago, drinking about as much now as he had back in college, if not more. There wasn't much else for him to do in this fucking town anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, tonight he sat at a table and downed a pitcher of beer by himself. He always drank alone and preferred it that way. It was hard enough to ignore the stares, the whispered comments, but to have it said to his face would likely destroy Shane. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, the doors opened and admitted Mayor Lewis and the new guy. Shane had run into him earlier at Pierre's and wasn't sure what he thought about the guy. He was tall, broad shouldered, and had a pile of brown hair tied up lazily on his head. But his hands, gripping the door as he let Shane by, weren't those of someone used to working outside an office. They looked soft. Shane had to wonder how long he'd last on the farm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he poured the last of the pitcher into his glass, Shane caught the man staring at him. They met eyes and Shane narrowed his until the man looked away, turning back to the group who had surrounded him and the mayor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, but the guy was good looking. He wasn't Shane's regular type, but he was handsome. No, Shane usually found himself with a starry eyed young guy who wanted someone to fill some daddy issue spot. Shane was perfect for the role, heavy handed and always topping. It was always about the sex and nothing further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How the hell had his mind taken him here? He needed another beer. Shane got up and flagged down Gus, handing the pitcher over. No need to dirty another one. Gus filled it with the same cheap beer Shane always drank and handed it back, a lot of foam on the top. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back at his table, Shane was ready to drown the newest train wreck of thoughts, but that was ruined. The farmer had wandered over, a tentative smile in the corner of his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane's heart stuttered, and he gripped the pitcher tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, I'm Alecander. We haven't met yet so-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know you, I don't want to." Shane knew it was rude, and he hoped it was enough to scare the guy off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't. "Shane, right? They said I wouldn't be able to get a conversation from you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane leaned to look around the man's body toward the table he'd left. Marnie was there, glaring at Mayor Lewis, and the others were watching Alecander with some sort of expectation. "They put you up to this then. Some kind of joke I'm not getting?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander raised his hands placatingly and shook his head. "No. I just mentioned I hadn't met you yet, and they said you wouldn't talk to me. I just…" He dropped his hands and shrugged. "You seemed you could use the company, and honestly," he pitched his voice down to a whisper, "I needed an escape."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane scoffed, but under the table he planted a foot on a seat and kicked a chair out for the man. Fine, an escape from Lewis and the crew Shane could understand. "I don't have much to say, but have a drink I guess."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Perfect," Alecander said with a grin. He got a second pitcher and his own glass then joined Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now sat across from the man, Shane noticed more about him. He looked young, skin still smooth and baby-soft. His eyes were some shade of brown that was hard to see in the light of the saloon. "Why did you come here?" Shane blurted out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"To get away from them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, not-" Shane sighed and shook his head then glowered when he saw Alecander grin playfully. "Why would anyone choose to come to Pelican Town?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The playfulness faded and Alecander sat back in his chair, draping one arm over the back of it and taking a thoughtful sip from his beer. "Also to get away. From other things. What about you, why are you here?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Atoning. And waiting to die."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something played across Alecander's face, like he wanted to laugh at a joke then realized there wasn’t anything funny. "Shit."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah." Shane poured another drink and looked away from the man, falling back to brooding silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For his part, Alecander accepted the silence well, leaning back in his chair and sipping at his beer much slower than Shane. He clearly wasn’t drinking for a purpose beyond the social. Shane mostly stared at the pitcher before him, but occasionally he’d look across the table and study some new part of this soon-to-be-farmer. And the man gave his own studious glances, catching eyes a time or two, quietly assessing, then looking back down once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like they sat there for hours, but it couldn’t have been more than fifteen or twenty minutes as Shane was only half done with his pitcher of beer when they were finally interrupted. Marnie came over, set a hand on Alecander’s arm to draw his attention, which he gave with a polite smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Shane. How are you tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes shot up to her face, still painful to look at even after four years of living with her and Jas. He gave a grunt that she would know meant ‘fine’ and took another swig. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see you’ve met our Mr. West, here. Would you mind if we stole him back for just a few minutes?” She didn’t wait for Shane’s answer as she turned her bubbly self to Alecander. “I’d like to set a time to get you your equipment, and Clint’s just come in. He has a few old pieces your grandfather left behind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Staying quiet, Shane suddenly felt like he was the one doing the intruding. Which was ridiculous because </span>
  <em>
    <span>they’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> the ones who came over and gave him company he wasn’t looking for. He’d stopped listening to them by now and found himself staring at the bottom of the light amber liquid in his glass. If he swirled it, a few bubbles would burble to the top, popping faintly and disappearing once more. It obscured the wood of the table beneath and made it look further away than it really was. And then his body felt numb, his limbs detached from the rest of him even as he moved them and knew he was moving them. They weren’t his. He couldn’t bring himself to lift the glass to his mouth, instead sitting still and dissociating further. The bubbling stopped completely now, the liquid stilling in the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane was too acutely aware of his breathing. If he didn’t count his breaths, he might just stop breathing all together, needing to think about each one that he took.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then a hand was thrust into his space. A clean hand with trimmed nails and the softness of someone who shuffled papers for a living. No, not quite. There were old markings of calluses, faded now, but there if one looked close enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Shane looked up and fell back into himself. Everything felt heavy and real all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said it was a pleasure. Let’s drink and not talk again some time,” Alecander grinned still holding his hand out for a handshake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane peeled his hand from his glass and deposited it in Alecander’s warm hand, realizing too late how wet his own hand was from the cold glass. He grimaced. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they were gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The Ranch-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At night, the sounds from the Cindersap forest were a relaxing accumulation of cricket sounds and the flap of owl wings. Shane especially liked the spring time when the wind blew gently through and the comfort of his sweatshirt was best. He could sit on the docks of the little lake in his shorts, arms wrapped in the sweatshirt like a security blanket, and drink away the late hours by himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a few days since his drink with the farmer, not Alexander but something like that. He couldn’t quite remember. And didn’t want to. That’s why he’d taken to drinking outside on his own now. A few cheap packs of beer from Joja Mart and he was good. He slipped out once Jas and Marnie had gone to bed because he couldn’t take the looks that Marnie gave him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was worried about him, and how stupid was that? She should, by all rights, hate him for taking her sister away. But she refused to blame him; fine, he could do the blaming all by himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane brought a can up to his lips and took another long drink from it. He set the empties back in the box so they’d be easy to recycle later. He couldn’t stand the thought of anything littering the lake and forest. They were the places that held the most memories of Maggie and John, Marnie’s sister and brother-in-law, Shane’s best friends. The three of them ran wild in this place as teens. They took off to the same college afterwards, but always came back to Marnie’s ranch and the Cindersap forest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane remembered swimming in this lake on late summer evenings. He remembered John standing on the dock with Maggie in his arms, tossing her in nearly on top of Shane. The three laughed, drank, and enjoyed a youth they all thought was theirs by right and not some privilege easily taken away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, it should have been Shane to die, not them. He downed another beer and fell back on the wooden dock, cracking his head a little too hard. With a grimace, he rubbed at it, but stayed lying down, staring up at a clear sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he had any decency, he would have ended it all by now. But he didn’t deserve the quick ending. Shane deserved to suffer for his sins. Maybe one day he’d finish his atoning, but that day wasn’t here yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letting out a sigh, Shane looked up at the stars trying to recount the constellations that Maggie knew and pointed out to him and John on those nights. She was good at that kind of thing, smart things. She knew so much and was kind enough to help Shane and John with their school work. Shane would have dropped out if it hadn’t been for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And John had been the one to talk him into joining the Gridball team with him. Shane thought he was too small for that kind of thing, but it turned out he’d been fast. No one could get a grip on him as he zoomed across the field with the ball, and life had been great. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, he was older, weaker, and a whole lot dumber without his friends. Maybe he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, but even though his mind fought against the negative, it was always the darker thoughts that won out. Had he always been this way?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t remember always being </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> upset with himself and the world, but sure, he fought these feelings since teenage years. Life always seemed to have a haze of gray cast over it as he moved through, except for those few moments when it cleared and he could look up at the stars or swim with friends. Little times of sunshine. He hadn’t had many of those lately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stretching out a leg, Shane felt himself knock into the beer can he’d set down. He heard it skitter across the wooden dock and then splunk into the water. “Shit!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling up quickly, Shane scrambled over to the edge of the dock as the can started to bob away in the light breeze. He stretched an arm out, touched it briefly with his fingertips and managed to push it further away. “Fuck, no, come on,” he growled and stretched himself across the dock. He scooted so that his waist was resting on the dock and his chest balanced out over the water, then reached further but the can was </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn it, come on, why aren’t you taller you little shit!” He stretched further and then lost his balance and fell into the water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped a surprised breath of air and then went face first into the water and water entered his lungs. Kicking his legs and swooping his arms, Shane pulled his body upwards, the wet clothing heavy and weighing him down. His face breached the water and he sputtered, taking in another breath before slipping back under again as the sweatshirt dragged him. He kicked his legs more and tried to keep himself moving forward, toward the dock and the land. His feet didn’t touch ground yet, and he felt himself starting to panic. His head was racing with unhelpful dread. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sunk under, kicked back up and breached the surface, then he took in another breath. Hands grabbed at the shoulders of his hoodie and yanked. Shane kicked his legs as he was hauled upwards and onto the dock. His arms grappled at the wood, and he helped pull himself across the planks and a softer surface. Taking in another deep breath, Shane looked up at his savior.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The farmer was collapsed back, his arms soaked up to his chest and he was splayed back with Shane half in his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was in the man’s lap. Shane sputtered and rolled off him, feeling his cheeks blazing red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” The man’s voice cut through the night and the sounds of their heavy breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane coughed a little water and nodded. “Yeah, thanks.” He stared up at the sky and wondered at his luck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you doing anyway?” The man had sat up now and loomed over in Shane’s space, looking down at him with too much concern on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane pointed at the beers. “I knocked one in and tried to fish out but lost my balance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man got up and walked to the end of the pier. He stooped and picked something up and laughed. “Well, you managed to knock it back this way.” He turned and held up the beer can. “Not sure you want to drink this now though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t about drinking it,” Shane spat angrily. He sat up and snatched the can from the other man. “I didn’t want trash in the lake.” He glared at the farmer, waiting for him to leave. He didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Shane. I wasn’t trying to upset you.” He sat himself back down next to Shane and clearly he wasn’t leaving any time soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he’d remembered Shane’s name. Shane pursed his lips and swallowed whatever pride he thought he could still cling to. “What’s your name again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alecander. Alec, for short.” And Alec smiled, some warm and genuine looking smile even though he was soaking wet and had hauled Shane out of nearly drowning after drinking too much and stupidly trying to get a can out of a lake that no one else gave two shits about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t make sense and Shane didn’t know what to do with it. So he grabbed two beers and handed one over to Alec. Shuffling back over to the edge, Shane hung his legs over the side and cracked his beer open, taking a sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec opened his and then he took his shoes off and let his legs hang down, feet touching the water. “Thanks for the drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a long time, they sat side by side without saying anything. Shane was cold as the water dried on him, and he had to imagine Alec was cold too, but the man didn’t complain. And Shane didn’t want to leave. He shivered, though. Early spring was not a good time for night time swimming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard to be angry sitting out here. It’s...peaceful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looked over at Alecander with a questioning frown. He wasn’t sure what the man met. Was he angry about saving Shane?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander looked over and caught his look. He frowned and flapped a hand as he spoke. “Recovering from anger issues. Thought this place would help, and I started to question that in town but this...this is nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked back out over the water and Shane studied him again. He didn’t look like a person who had anger issues. He looked so confident and calm, especially out here. And maybe Alec was right. This spot was peaceful. Shane should have been relishing the quiet beauty, not wallowing in his own fucked-up-ness. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Shane looked over the water, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ever feel like no matter what you do, you’re going to fail?” Shane wasn’t sure why he was talking to Alec about this, or talking at all. He didn’t talk to people, especially not about this. “Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day? I just feel like no matter how hard I try…” Alec was quiet, listening. “I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard Alecander take a drink of the beer and could </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> his eyes on Shane, boring into him, judging maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t always climb out on your own,” Alec said softly. He put a hand on Shane’s shoulder, squeezed, and then dropped it again. “You’re really cold. You should get some dry clothes on before you get sick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane grunted. The man was right about the clothes at least. Next to him, Alec stood up and reached a hand down. Deciding it was for the best, Shane took his hand and stood up on unsteady legs. Alec’s hands were there at his shoulders to steady him. His hands were surprisingly warm even though they were both wet, and they held on tightly without hesitation. They met eyes and Shane’s chest constricted. He felt confused and brushed Alec away, grabbing the beer containers and walking back toward the ranch. Alec walked behind him, quiet once more. He appreciated that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got to the path that split to the ranch and up to Westfold Farm, Alecander put a hand on his shoulder again. Shane paused and looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It takes time and it takes help,” Alec said. He dropped his hand, nodded,  and then turned away. “Goodnight, Shane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s voice stuck for a moment, but after a few of Alec’s steps he managed, “Yeah, night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside, Shane tried to be quiet as he got a shower and changed into dry clothes. He climbed into bed with a head fuzzy with too many thoughts and a stomach gurgling from beer and nerves. His dreams were erratic and forgotten once he woke the next morning.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Exhaustion-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The country had noises that Alecander wasn’t used to. The first few days he fell asleep fine, tired from the move. But tonight was different. He’d hauled Shane out of a lake and now lay in bed staring up at the ceiling wondering about the man. The noises of the country started to infiltrate his thoughts and he focused on each one, the noises becoming louder and louder the more he heard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This late at night, or earlier in the morning really, the crickets were loudly chirping in a way that filled the small room. Light from the descending moon filtered in through the window and shadows of hunting birds flitted across it. Then it was the constant hooting of an owl sitting in a nearby tree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling over and shoving his head under his pillow, Alecander tried counting down from one hundred, hoping to drown out the noise. He lost count, started again, and realized that he was now so focused on counting that he couldn’t drift off to sleep because of that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck it,” he growled and threw the pillow across the room. Alec rolled up and got out of the bed, his bare feet padding across the hardwood floor. He went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, staring inside. He closed it again when nothing drew his attention, and he went to the front door, stuffing his feet into his unlaced boots. Maybe a walk would help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Outside was cold after the warmth of his bed and it put a shiver down his spine, but it was already better than rolling around in his insomnia and fighting a losing battle. He walked down the lane that led to town, just listening to the noise that was previously bothering him. Awake and moving around, the noise of the night was rather peaceful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he knew it, Alecander was in town and the sun was starting to tinge the sky pink as it climbed in to replace the moon. It wasn’t yet dawn, but the world hinted at daylight. So, he walked to the beach and took a seat in the sand to watch the sun rise. He was going to have blisters from walking barefooted in his boots all this way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrapping his arms around his knees, Alecander watched the sky change in it’s radiant colors and let the warmth of the rising sun sink into him. It had been a long night, but today was another day. He really needed to get the fields cleared so he could plant something this season. He’d started, hauling away some smaller debris and starting a small burn pile, but there were some heavy logs that needed chopping up so he could actually move them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he’d have to till the earth where he wanted to plant, and maybe see about some irrigation system. Get the seeds planted. Clean up a space for a barn and a coop because having some animals would make it feel more complete.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander fell back on the sand and spread his arms out, taking up space and just letting himself be. He closed his eyes and drifted off a bit. Of course he could find it in himself to fall asleep on a beach instead of at home, the lap of waves on the sand lulling him to a place of quiet finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he opened his eyes again, it was because someone was nudging his hip. A man with luxuriously long hair and a soft, pretty face looked down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hello. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander chuckled. “I was enjoying the sunrise, then must have fallen asleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man smiled and looked out at the water. “It’s a beautiful view. You’re the new farmer, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Alecander said and got to his feet, brushing off the sand from his pants. “Alecander.” He held out a hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man shook it. “I’m Elliot. I live there,” he said pointing to the cabin in the sand. “Some romantic ideation made me buy that place to write my novel in. I guess I thought this place would be a good one for inspiration. Not that I’ve written any more here than anywhere else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander chuckled again. “I know what you mean. I thought this would be a good place to run away to, but I can’t get myself to really settle into my work yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s certainly a good place to run away to, but maybe not the best for motivated working.” Elliot tucked his hands behind his back and looked oddly elegant for the small town atmosphere. “It was nice meeting you, Alecander. I suppose I should be on my way now that I know you aren’t washed up from drowning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice talking with you,” Alec said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, he wasn’t washed up from drowning, but Shane had nearly been. What would have happened if Alecander hadn’t been walking by that way? It had been such a lucky chance, and all because Alecander had been escaping the crowd at Stardrop Saloon again. He should really talk to Shane, make sure he was okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked slowly back home, the morning still early. First he’d put in a good amount of time working the fields, then he’d look for Shane so long as his body didn’t just completely give out on him from exhaustion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alecander made it until nearly 4 p.m. before the exhaustion overtook him. He’d managed to cut apart the three huge logs in the middle of the fields, hauling them off with his truck to stack off to the side of his house. It could be used as firewood come winter time. The field was ready to be tilled and seeded tomorrow, and his whole body was heavy with lack of sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really wanted to find Shane, but his eyes were already closing of their own accord and he’d barely walked into his house to change. A quick nap, and then he’d be off. Alecander managed a brief, cold shower then ended up in bed naked, with his phone in his hand ready to set an alarm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, he fell asleep before he could finish setting the alarm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Alecander woke up, night had fallen and the whole house was dark. He’d dropped his phone at some point and as he crawled around naked on the floor trying to find it, he knocked into his nightstand and the lamp crashed to the ground. Now he was on his hands and knees in the dark with glass shards all around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking perfect,” he muttered and stood up as carefully as he could. He felt with a toe for a clean spot on  the ground and stepped down slowly. Then another step, with bated breath. Somehow, this felt more ridiculous since he was naked even though he was alone and in the dark. A few steps from the mess, Alecander breathed relief and groped his way to the light switch on the wall for the kitchen. It cast enough light that he could get a broom and clean up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found his phone under his bed and clicked it on, eleven o’clock. It was late, and the saloon would be closing just now. Maybe if he walked toward the ranch, he’d meet up with Shane outside. The man’s second home was the saloon afterall, and with it closing he’d likely go home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hurrying, Alecander put on a pair of jeans and an old fatigues shirt from his military days. He also remembered to put on socks with his shoes this time, his feet a little sore from the morning’s trampings. Then he rushed out the door and might have fast-walked through his property and over to the ranch. He nearly ate dirt a few times and caught his leg on a fallen log pretty hard, but as he rounded the building, he caught sight of Shane walking toward him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying to steady his breathing like he hadn’t been running all this way, Alecander stuffed his hands in his pockets and attempted to look as nonchalant as possible. He strolled slowly down the lane and when Shane looked up, catching sight of him, they both paused in their steps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander waved, Shane stood unmoving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec walked forward again and came to stand a few feet in front of Shane, who was still just standing there staring at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want?” Shane asked gruffly. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie, his eyes a bit bloodshot with heavy bags underneath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to-” well now it sounded stupid coming out of his mouth. What business was it of his how Shane was doing? “I just, uh,” Alecander coughed and scuffed his foot on the ground. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I...okay?” His face scrunched up in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander swallowed hard. He was so stupid for doing this. “After last night, I thought I should check on you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane stared again. “Why? We don’t know each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We shared a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was just a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander took a step closer, their eyes still locked. “I was worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be.” Shane scoffed and brushed by Alecander, heading for the ranch. He didn’t turn around, didn’t glance back, and the door locked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well fuck, that could have gone better. Feeling suddenly exhausted again, Alecander turned back and walked home. Much slower than he had come. That had been a mistake, and he really should learn to stay in his own lane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The Gifts-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took a few weeks for Alecander to fully settle into the town, but it happened. He had crops growing, little sprouts coming up now, and he had made friends around town. In fact, Alec found he got along with most everybody. He even found George, grumpy though he was, endearing in a way. It helped that he brought a few leeks over to help Evelyn make dinner one night. George didn’t quite smile, but it was damned close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today, he was driving into town for some fertilizer. He wanted to try out a new growth formula that Pierre had mentioned was coming in, and he also needed to bring some iron ore to Clint. He’d found some on his farm when he’d tilled a new section of land. He cut the truck and walked across the plaza, whistling some tune that had been playing in the saloon the other night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time when he opened the door and Abigail stepped out, she was smiling. “Hey, Abs. How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. I hear it’s going to rain later today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander chuckled. “Wish it rained this morning so I didn’t have to water all my crops. You meeting up with Sam and Sebastian?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Playing another round of Solarion Chronicles. You going to join us yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made a grimacing face. “I don’t know. I’d probably mess it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abigail patted his shoulder, gave a little playful pout, and then headed on her way. Alecander, smiling, headed inside and got the fertilizer he wanted. On his way to Clint’s he stopped by Alex’s. The guy was leaning on the fence looking in at his dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey man,” Alecander said leaning next to him. “How’s Dusty?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bored, probably. I need to take him on a walk.” Alex looked over and sighed. “Maybe down to the beach, it’s nice out. But the Mayor doesn’t like when I take him down there. He thinks he’ll make a mess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander scoffed. “Eh, do it anyway. He’s just a mayor, this town is everyone’s, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could see the hesitation in Alex, the back and forth thoughts in his head. “Yeah, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about this, I’ll drop this stuff off to Clint and then I’ll come with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, you’d do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander smiled and nodded. “Of course. What are friends for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Alex’s face lit up made Alecander feel lighter. He patted the guy’s shoulder and jogged off to Clint’s. He stepped inside a bit out of breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Clint, I got this for ya,” Alec said sliding a box of ore over to the blacksmith. “It’s crazy what I dig up on the farm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clint’s eyes went wide in surprise at the intrusive entrance. “What- oh, um, thank you! This is great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander grinned at him and waved. “I gotta run, but maybe I’ll see you later at the Stardrop?” his hand was on the door but he was still looking back at Clint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded but was instantly lost in the box of ore. He was muttering something to himself and walking with it over to his equipment. Whatever he’d needed it for, he was clearly excited and Alecander felt good again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever fear Alecander had had when he’d first driven up had faded quickly these few weeks. It turned out he was actually pretty damned good at farming, and the people here were a lot more open than those in the city. Sure, there were the few who were still iffy about Alecander’s intentions, but he could see most people in town got along. And he was slowly becoming one of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had Dusty on a leash by the time he made it back to him, but the guy was eyeing the mayor’s house. Alecander jogged over with a devious grin. “Come on, before you chicken out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to chicken out!” Alex insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They jogged down to the bridge that would take them to the beach and slowed to walk once they felt like they had gotten safely away. It was a silly thing to feel childishly devious about, but that didn’t matter. The way Alex relaxed and was able to just be himself out here with his dog was what mattered. Alecander strolled along and collected some nice shells as Alex and Dusty played fetch with a piece of driftwood. It was a nice afternoon, and when the rain started in, they headed back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for that, Alecander,” Alex said as he locked Dusty’s gate once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any time. Seriously, if you ever wanna bring him out to the farm to run around, I’m sure he’d have a blast. Plenty of sticks to chase.” He clapped Alex on his shoulder. There was some sadness under the guy’s bravado that made Alecander stop by whenever he could. Alex was one of the first people he’d connected with, after Abigail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They split ways, Alex going to check in on his grandparents and Alecander deciding to see who was spending their Friday night at the bar. It was a big crowd this time. Abigail, Sam, and Sebastian took up the back room. A few of the married couples were dancing to some music by the jukebox, and many others were sat around tables with friends, food, and drinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then there was Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, Alecander hadn’t really seen him since that night at the ranch. He’d seen him in passing, but they’d managed to mostly avoid each other for weeks now. And yet, something dumb took over Alecander’s mind. He didn’t know what drove him to constantly butt in where he didn’t belong, but he blamed his recovery. Being pushed to socialize outside of his comfort zones, reaching out to others who needed help so he didn’t have to focus on his own problems. What problems? Alec was doing fucking great. The looming cloud of anger and depression that always sat just over his shoulder could fuck off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went over to Gus and ordered a pizza, then stood waiting at the bar trying not to draw the attention of anyone else. He had a plan and would not be swayed from it. When the food was ready, Emily brought it over with a smile on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a lot for one person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’ll be sharing it.” Alecander fished into his pocket for a dried flower he’d been holding onto and handed it over. “This reminded me of your hair,” he said as he twirled the blue flower between his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my goodness, really? For me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander smiled out of one corner of his lips and nodded, reaching his arm out closer to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took the flower and pressed it to her chest. “Thank you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked up the pizza and went straight for Shane’s table, walking quickly and directly so he didn’t lose courage. Setting the pizza down in the middle of the table, Alecander pulled out a chair and sat himself down, too. “You should eat something,” he said to Shane who was staring at him like he wanted to murder Alecander.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t I said enough rude things to make you go away yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander snorted. “Hardly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want? Money? You know, I’d pay a pot of gold for you to leave me alone.” Shane still reached for a slice of pizza though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jas said you’re really sad but that you still make time to show her how to take care of the chickens. She wanted to know if I was getting chickens, said you could help me pick them out and get them set up.” Alecander wasn’t sure how this would go. He just thought that if he could get Shane talking, get him going about something other than not wanting company, that maybe he would take the outstretched hand. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Pizza-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane still didn’t know what to make of all of this. He was at the saloon, sitting across from Alecander, sharing a damn pizza with the man. Why wouldn’t he just leave Shane alone? Didn’t he know what happened to people who got too close to him? He should really tell Alecander that he was cursed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but why don’t you spend your energy somewhere that matters?” Shane took a big bite of the pizza and chewed as he watched the other man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am.”Alecander leaned back in his chair again, in that way where he put an arm on the back and it stretched his shirt across his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His reply made no sense; Shane wasn’t worth spending time on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I disagree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane balked at the realization that he must have spoken out loud. Fuck him. He stuffed another bite of pizza in his mouth. He chewed slowly and watched Alecander who studied him back. “Why?” he asked around the crust in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a moment for Alecander to answer. He took a deep breath and looked around the saloon at the people gathered. “I spent three years in a mental hospital. The one thing I learned, aside from maintaining my anger, was that everyone is worth </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but you’re still here, so that’s gotta count for something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here because no one gets out of Pelican Town. It’s like some black hole that sucks everyone in and doesn’t let go.” Shane took a big drink of beer, the conversation making him feel the need to be a lot drunker than he currently was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean here as in Pelican Town, I meant here as in alive,” Alecander said. “Even if it’s just to atone, you’re still here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And what the fuck was Shane supposed to do with that? Alecander was a frustrating person to know. He was too nice, too observational, and too--  he just needed to find some other hill to die on and leave Shane alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander pushed the pizza closer to Shane, offering him another slice. Shane had to wonder how much one could hate a person for being nice because he really wanted to hate Alecander. He really did, but he couldn’t.  If anyone else had sat across from him and preached at him, Shane would have left by now. But here he still stayed, sharing a pizza with a man who seemed genuinely concerned about him. It was simply amazing that anyone could </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> him. Mostly, they just saw his mistakes and what he used to be. Not even Shane could see who he currently was beyond the haze of booze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were in a hospital for three years?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander nodded. His back was a little tense now as he leaned on the table and pitched his voice lower. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable talking about this in the open. Stardrop was full tonight, afterall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was given a medical discharge from the military, pulled back from Gotoro after a bad couple missions. I spent one week in civilian life, and wound up in a hospital for PTSD treatment.” He was staring down at the pizza now, pushing it around his plate but not eating it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane stayed quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was violent for a while, lashing out at things that weren’t there or being upset at doctors and patients who just wouldn’t listen and understand. I was angry at my life, at what I had to go through. Then, a new doctor came in and she helped. She helped a lot because I finally started talking, and she listened.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Point is, I’m here to listen, Shane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a small part of Shane’s heart was a spot that shattered with the thought that it would be really fucking nice to have someone who would listen to him. He had a lot to say, but no one to say it to. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to Marnie, even if she would listen. That was too close to the source, and he couldn’t bear to see her in pain talking about Maggie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Alecander. He was on the outside. He didn’t know Shane, or Maggie, or John and he didn’t know the town back then. Alecander wouldn’t have the same preconceptions or memories of who Shane was back then. He was not yet affected by the wake of pain that Shane left behind himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of talking just yet, though, Shane nodded and grabbed another slice of pizza. “Jas really said I would help you with chickens?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander chuckled. “She did. I told her I wanted to get a barn and a coop, and she was rather insistent on you helping me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well fuck, if she says so, I guess I have to.” Shane managed to smile, and it felt odd on his face. It was an expression he didn’t wear often, mostly reserved for his afternoons with Jas. “You  got the coop done yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Alecander said with a shake of his head.  “Robin’s coming out tomorrow to help me get it going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have Saturday off, so if it’s done by then, come to the ranch and I’ll help you out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fell back to the comfortable silence that Shane appreciated from Alecander. They worked their way through the pizza and a couple pitchers of beer, occasionally tossing out a comment about the town, complaints of work, or a quick snippet of a story involving Jas. It was nice. It was the nicest evening Shane had had in a while.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The One Can Too Many-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alecander came by the ranch on Saturday, money ready for Marnie and a coop ready for Shane to help him move chickens into. Shane was sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of spiked coffee, eating fresh scrambled eggs that Jas helped him cook when the farmer came in. He leaned his chair back on two legs and could see down the hallway to the door when it swung open. Shane had the urge to smile when he saw Alecander, but he shoved it down and gave half a wave before tipping his chair back onto all four legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After shoveling down the rest of the eggs, Shane brought the plate to the sink to wash. He downed his coffee and walked out to the counter where Alecander stood. He still had the money in his hands, small-talking with Marnie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think my grandfather had chickens when I visited once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been in Pelican Town before?” Marnie was smiling brightly, her hands dancing on the countertop. She had always been a happy woman, the easy going older sister who watched out for Maggie and her friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander twisted his lips and wavered his hand like he was tipping a balance back and forth. “Well, we visited the farm, but we never went into town. My mother’s health was never great and she preferred to stay on the farm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s nice you got to see the place before, though.” She reached a hand over and patted the back of Alecander’s. “Family’s important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Shane’s chest constricted like he’d been punched. “You two going to talk all day or am I fetching the chicks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander looked over like he’d just seen Shane and smiled widely. “You’re really going to help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looked at the man flatly, waiting for his stupid grin to fade away. When it didn’t, he sighed in resignation and marched toward the front door. “I said I would, didn’t I?” He stepped out, leaving the two to finish the business side of things, which he cared little for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside the barn, there was a new round of chicks that had hatched and were ready to leave their mothers. Shane still felt bad taking the babies away, but he could at least make sure they were set up in a good place at Alecander’s. The chicks were in a pen with a heating lamp still going, and he crouched over to reach a hand inside. A few of them squeaked and tottered away, but the couple he’d really made a connection with came over and fluffed under his hand. He gathered one up and cradled it to his chest, petting down its back with one finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to go to a nice new home? I’ll make sure you have a nice bed and house ready, don’t worry.” The chick chirped at him and he smiled. He liked to think they knew the feeling behind what he said, even if they couldn’t understand his words. Shane made sure he talked to all of the animals, but he spent a little extra time with the chickens. He hoped that it didn’t make the other animals jealous, but there was just something about chickens that really drew Shane in. “I think Alecander is a good guy, so you’ll do fine there. I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door to the barn had been open so Shane didn’t hear Alecander approach until he was right next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck,” Shane gasped and jumped a little at his sudden presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Alecander chuckled. “And I promise to take good care of them.” He reached over, hesitating with a couple fingers out as if waiting for permission to pet the chick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded and held the chick a little closer to the other man. He watched Alecander put the gentlest touch down on the chick and draw his fingers down the baby-soft feathers a few times. A person could tell a lot about another person by the way they treated animals, and this was just further proof that Alec was a good guy. Shane found himself watching Alecander more than the chickens, handing the baby over to see how he held it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was actually amusing. The man’s hands were huge around the little chicken and he cradled it like he was afraid of hurting it. His eyes were wide, mouth a little ‘o’ as he brought his hands closer to his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so small,” Alecander whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane chuckled and crouched back down to collect the other two chicks that had bonded with the one in Alec’s hands. “Yeah, they’re still babies. Seven weeks. It’ll be a few months before you’ll get eggs, but it’s best if you can bond with them, keep them happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When do they start laying eggs?” Alecander asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. This guy really was a beginner, but he’d lasted on the farm for a while now. His hands looked roughed up and more like what Shane originally expected. “Six to eight months. Closer to six for these guys probably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. So, what else do I need for them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane helped Alecander get his things, some growers mash for the next few weeks of feeding, and a slightly enclosed water bowl so that it would stay clean. He got a little box to transport the three chicks in and helped Alecander carry things over to his house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The coop that Robin had built was perfect, of course. The two were able to get the girls set up quickly, and then stood back to look at their work. Alecander came over next to Shane and put a hand on his shoulder,  leaning into him. It felt familiar, comfortable. And then terrible. It made Shane crave something he hadn’t had in a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Shane. Seriously, thank you. I was afraid of getting them started on my own in case I messed anything up.” Alec turned a smile to him. “If I need help with them or have questions, can I ask you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The urge to say no nearly broke Shane down. Instead, he nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He wanted to lean away from Alecander’s hand, away from the warmth of it sitting on Shane’s shoulder like a friend’s. “I’ll give you my number.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” Alecander said and pulled his hand away so he could fish out his cell phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Good. Shane took a step away, using the pretense of looking closer at the water setup as an excuse. He told his number to Alecander and watched the man type it into his phone. This was a step of some kind that Shane wasn’t sure of. They would have each other’s number and now an open excuse for communication. And why did that feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve gotta run, but just text me if you have any problems with them tonight. Make sure to shut the door.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander nodded and stuck his hand out before Shane could get too far away. Shane stared at it a moment, then pulled his own hand free to reach over and shake it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure.” Shane hurried out and back down through the forest to the ranch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to feel these feelings. He didn’t want a friend again. He was too afraid of what that would mean for Alecander. The man would just end up hurt like everyone else. It’s why as much as he spent time with Jas, he made sure not to get her too attached. She didn’t need to have his cursed influence. She should be running around making friends, playing with Vincent and growing into someone who wasn’t a fuck up like Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just the same, Alecander didn’t need to be attached to Shane’s negative affect. He had a life ahead of him, a direction and focus with that farm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But fuck it all, Shane really wanted someone in his life again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bypassing the farm, Shane went to Joja Mart and picked up a twenty-four pack of beer. He normally grabbed a twelve pack, but this one was on sale, so what the hell? He walked slowly back to the ranch, cracking open one of the beers once he was out of the town proper. It was nearly seven p.m. and most people were at home having dinner with their families by now. No one was around to get grumpy over him drinking in public. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he walked in through the ranch door, Marnie was shuffling from the kitchen toward her room with a cup of tea. She eyed the beer in his hand and frowned. He just looked at her and stood with the door still cracked open. Marnie was the one to break eye contact, and then Shane shut the door. They moved around each other awkwardly, Shane shutting himself in his room and locking the door. Whatever, he was a grown man who paid her rent for this room. He paid for the beer. He could do what he wanted with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kicking his shoes into one corner, Shane slumped in front of his game console and put the beers next to him. He should stick them in the fridge so that they would stay cold, but then they’d be out of his reach. He turned on whatever game he had loaded currently, and started button mashing his way through a fighting game, downing beer after beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone went off at some point, some unknown number flashing across it with a text message. Shane was nearly to a level he hadn’t gotten to yet, so he ignored it. Probably some junk anyway. He pulled out his fifth beer, and as he leaned to pick it up he found his body a little off balance, but he felt good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just fine like this. Work, drink, play games. Do it again, and spiral down into this self-imposed hell to repent for what he’d done to Maggie and John. This was his life and it was fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eleven beers in, the phone started ringing now with that number flashing across the screen again. At this point, Shane wasn’t doing well in the game, and his mind was slurring. He had forgotten where he was, about Marnie and Jas being in the house, and was yelling at the screen now. The phone made him mess up, so he grabbed for it, falling over and knocking the half a beer he had next to him onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, fuh you mm, phone and you b-beer,” he growled and threw the phone across the room hoping to make it stop ringing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t stop and he needed another drink, because what the hell? If this was the end, then so be it. Maybe it was finally time. All he needed was a few more drinks and maybe he’d stopped seeing that night. The flash of lights, the screech of tires on pavement, the slam that stopped everything all of a sudden. He grabbed a new beer, struggled to get it open and then chugged it down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something started banging on his door. Memories, trying to crawl back in. So he drank another beer. Just one more. Maybe one too many.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Hospital Visit-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane wasn’t answering his text messages. At first, Alecander chalked it up to the man having given in to the number exchange just as a way to get back to the ranch quicker. But Alec was actually concerned about this chick. She was making a wheezing noise that the others weren’t. Alec had been sitting out in the coop with them for a few hours now, still fascinated by their presence, and then the littlest one started in with the odd noises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Alecander tried calling. Maybe he just didn’t see the text messages and the ringing would draw more attention. He still didn’t answer. Maybe Alecander had finally overstepped his bounds, and Shane was creating distance as a way to say enough was enough already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, that didn’t mean Marnie couldn’t help, but he didn’t have her number. In hindsight, that was stupid. He set the chick back down and hurried out of the coop, shutting the door behind himself and rushing toward the ranch. Maybe he should have brought the chick with him, but it was too late to turn back now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a little after nine p.m. when Alecander made it to Marnie’s door. He really hoped he wouldn’t be waking up little Jas, but he needed help. Holding his breath, he knocked on the door and strained to hear anything on the other side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard yelling, and a pounding like someone banging their fist on a door. Then he heard things stop. He knocked again and tried the handle. It was unlocked; he stepped through and was met with a frantic looking Marnie. She had her hands buried in her hair and a grimace on her face. Jas was around the corner, gripping the doorjamb and watching with scared eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t get into Shane’s room. He came back with a lot of beer, and he was yelling and throwing things, but now he’s not making any noise and I’m worried. The door, he locked the door and I don’t have a key to his room. I don’t know why-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander stopped her ranting by putting his hands on her shoulders. “Take a breath, Marnie, I’ll get the door open if you don’t mind me breaking it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, yes, I mean no yes go ahead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letting go of her, Alecander marched over and looked at the thing. It was a little older, and he knew how to kick a door in from his military days. Alecander stepped back and sunk his weight on one leg; he aimed for the spot near the handle, and slammed the heel of his foot into it. The door shook, splintered at the lock, and snapped inward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane was on the floor, beer spilled next to him and too many empties all around. His phone was embedded in the wall and the t.v. was on static, the game console yanked from the cords. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hurrying over, Alecander grimaced. He’d seen this in the hospital a few times. They’d had a resident alcoholic who’d managed to sneak in a couple of liquor bottles one night and drank himself into a stupor. Alecander had watched the doctors, so he crouched and grabbed Shane now. He shook him and called his name. Shane didn’t wake. He was breathing, though, which was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec put him on his back, moved the sweatshirt out of the way, and curled his fist. He rubbed his knuckles hard up and down Shane’s chest bone. He needed it to hurt, to shock his body into waking up and escaping the pain. It took a few times, but finally Shane came-to trying to jerk away from the knuckles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He balked, rolled onto his side, and puked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying to stay out of the mess, Alec shuffled back a bit. He kept a hand on Shane’s shoulder. “Hey man, take it slow okay. A couple breaths for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could hear Marnie shuffling around in the background. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes were glazed, and he did not look okay. Turning to look over his shoulder at Marnie, Alecander asked, “Can I get a glass of water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and hurried off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bringing his attention back to Shane, Alec helped the man into a sitting position. It took some effort, and they kicked a few of the cans around, but they managed to get Shane sitting with his back against his bed. Alecander was afraid to let him go, fearing he’d fall over and pass out again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shane? Can you talk to me, hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha- why? What’re’ya doin’ here?” His words were still heavily slurred, and Alecander thought he might need a doctor to pump his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to help. You know where you are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Home.” Shane swung his head around toward the t.v. “I was playin’ uh, game.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander reached up and cupped his cheek, bringing his face back around. “You’re not doing okay, buddy. We’re going to go to a doctor, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marnie came back and knelt down next to them, putting the water glass to Shane’s mouth. He took a sip and sputtered. She pulled back and shook her head. “Shane, what were you thinking? You can’t do this. You need a plan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander held his breath. Pushing back now would not be good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plan?” Shane sputtered, and it began, the spiral. “I’m plannin’ on not being ‘round long enough for, um, to need a plan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a squeak of a noise that turned to crying and all three of them realized Jas had made her way into the room. She was now running away, crying. Marnie got up and went to run after her. She paused at the door and her face looked broken. “Shane, you can’t stay here if you’re going to be like this. I won’t do that to Jas again.” She left, going after the little girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander grit his teeth and looked back at Shane. The man was crying quietly now, still struggling to keep his balance just sitting there. “Fuck it,” Alec growled and hauled the man up to his feet. The weeks he’d spent on the farm was already building up muscle he’d lost since leaving the military. So, he put an arm under Shane’s legs and carried the man out of the room. He shuffled things around to shut the door, and went outside. The walk to town would be long especially carrying Shane, but he had Harvey’s number. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, using the steps out front to help, he managed to get his phone, dial the number and shove it against his face while readjusting his hold on Shane. The phone rang a few times, then Harvey’s half-asleep voice answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey, it’s Alecander. I’ve got an emergency at the ranch. I think Shane needs his stomach pumped, but I don’t have my truck with me. I’m going to start toward town, and if you could meet us…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, right away. I’ll pick you up and bring you to the clinic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fortunately, Alecander didn’t have to walk far. Harvey came by in his car, got them loaded into the back, and they rushed back to the clinic. Alecander helped the man since he was alone at this time of night, and though it was an awful procedure, they got Shane’s stomach pumped and put him in bed rather quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Afterward, Alecander got Marnie’s number from Harvey and called her. She was still awake, and not doing so well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Marnie. He’s in the clinic now, resting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Alecander, thank you so much. I just- with Jas, I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m going to come back, clean up his room, and we’ll talk okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do that. It’s nearly midnight already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander was already walking back to the ranch. He wouldn’t be any help with Shane right now, but he knew Marnie still needed help back home. “It’s fine. I’m not sleeping any time soon, so I might as well be helpful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed on the phone, and Alecander had made up his mind by the time he was in Shane’s room scrubbing the floors. Marnie was collecting the cans in a bag, eyes red from crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He can stay with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Marnie looked up, still bent over and reaching for a can, but paused with surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shane, he can stay with me. You said you can’t have him here while he’s going through this, and you’re right. It’s not fair to Jas, and I have an extra room.” Alecander tossed the dirty paper towels into the trash and started on the spilled beer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nearly two a.m. when they were finished, but Alec still needed to get all of Shane’s things. They’d decided it would be easier to just move it all now because Marnie couldn’t handle having him back with Jas yet. While the sudden and uncontrolled change worried Alecander, he couldn’t argue with the woman. He would just have to deal with whatever fallout came from Shane later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The Move-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alecander stood in Harvey’s waiting room dreading the coming conversation with Shane. He hadn’t slept yet and it was now ten a.m. the morning after bringing Shane to the clinic. Alec would be the one to tell Shane that he was moved into the farm, not allowed back at the ranch for a while. Right after this big episode, Alec was really worried how the man would take this information. Alec had seen plenty of breakdowns in his three years at the hospital and even more in the anonymous support groups he’d attended in the city. Most of those were run by well-meaning individuals who had gone through and recovered from conditions themselves, but few were licensed doctors meaning a lot of the issues fell in-house. Alecander had been the shoulder for a few addicts, one very angry combat vet, a couple alcoholics. If Shane was in the same place most of them had been in, it would be bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except Alecander thought it might be worse because at least those people were seeking help. Shane was still refusing help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey stepped out from the backroom and gave a weary smile. He looked as exhausted as Alec felt, also not having slept since picking the two of them up earlier that morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not going to be able to walk out of here for a while. His BAC was at .25, so he’s both still drunk and heading into a hangover if I’m not mistaken.” Harvey’s voice was rocky and his glasses kept slipping down his nose. “So Marnie really kicked him out, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec nodded. “Jas saw what happened, heard him say some rather, uh, suicidal things. The kid was a crying mess, and Marnie can’t have that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you can handle taking him in?” Harvey was wringing his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a soft smile, Alecander stepped up and put a hand on his bicep, rubbing up and down briefly. “I’m sure. He needs help, and I can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a good guy, Alecander. Let me know if you need anything. Please,” Harvey said as he put his own hands on either side of Alec’s shoulders. “Even if it’s another call in the middle of the night, make the call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Harvey. I really appreciate it.” He took a breath and stepped back, glancing at the hallway that led to the private back rooms. “Is he awake enough to talk to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Harvey’s face grimaced showed it was iffy. “Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander nodded and decided to come back later. “I’m going to catch a couple hours sleep, get some food, then I’ll be back. Don’t let him leave. If he tries, call me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He shouldn’t go to work this week,” Harvey said grabbing a notepad. “I’m going to write him a note, if you can make sure this gets to that Joja as- um, person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander laughed. “Sure, Harvey, I’ll get it to the asshole.” He gave the man a wink, took the note and headed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Three hours of sleep and a full breakfast had Alecander feeling a bit better. It should also have been enough time for Shane to come back to most of his senses. So, he drove into town and sat in the truck as it idled. He needed to cut the ignition and go in, talk to the man, and bring him back to the farm. He needed to, but he was still nervous. So he sat tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, staring at the clinic door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cutting the engine, Alecander gathered his courage and walked into the clinic. He waved at Maru behind the desk, ignoring her frantic look for now. He couldn’t focus on anything else or he might not go through with it. Stalking through the back hallway, Alecander opened the door to the private room that Shane was in and came to stand at the end of his bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane was sitting up, remote in hand and flipping through t.v. channels. He looked worse for wear, and he gave such a sickly look to Alecander when he came in that he knew Shane was not handling this well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m...sorry you had to be part of that.” He tossed the remote onto the bedside table and looked down at his legs under the hospital blankets. “Fuck, what am I going to say to Marnie? And Jas…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gritting his teeth and curling his hands into fists, Alecander let his nails bite into his flesh to ground him. “Shane, uh, we gotta talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up with bloodshot eyes and that sad fucking look that killed Alecander every time. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Marnie said, well with what happened and Jas seeing, she can’t have you back at the ranch right now.” Alecander brought a hand up to run along the back of his neck. “I got your stuff at my place since I have a spare room, and you can stay with me until things blow over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Shane’s body rocked like he wanted to get up and express his exasperation, but the blankets were tangled around his legs restricting his movement. “She doesn’t want me back there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just!” Alecander wanted to interrupt his spiral. “Just for now. She needs you to work on some things, for Jas’s sake. Hell, for your own sake, Shane. Do you remember last night? You’re at rock bottom, man, and maybe getting out of there will be the change you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane glared at him, his jaw working around words he couldn’t yet form. Alec could see his eyes darting back and forth with racing thoughts, but still nothing was said and the room was filled with heavy breathing. Eventually, he nodded. One sharp nod and the pursing of lips. He slumped back against the plastic headboard of the hospital bed and deflated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really fucked up, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander made an ‘eh’ noise and came over, sitting at the end of his bed. “Look, I know you don’t like me much, you don’t really know me, but just give me a shot huh? You look like you could use a friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still don’t get you. There are so many other people here you could be friends with. Why are you stubbornly choosing me?” Shane moved his leg so Alec could sit more comfortably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve already told you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I think you’re wrong. Just let it ride and see where things go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane grumbled under his breath some things that Alecander couldn't hear. He closed his eyes and shook his head gently, but then looked back at Alec and tossed his hands up like he was giving something up. “Fine. You win. I’ll move into your stupid house and put up with your stupid help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander grinned and patted Shane’s leg. “That’s the spirit. Now, you think you can walk out of here yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane tossed the blankets aside and stood up, his legs not exactly steady but strong enough. He was in a hospital gown now and Alecander looked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out so I can get changed. And if you really want to help, go next door and get a frozen pizza. I’m fucking starving.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Guest Room-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shut himself in the guest room after they shared a pizza and got to work setting the room up. At first, he merely stared at the boxes sitting on the unmade bed, wondering if he shouldn’t just take off to the city or something. Then he came to the conclusion that the city wasn’t any better than Pelican Town, and he would intrude on Alecander’s life for a while since the man was so adamant for it to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling the boxes down, Shane picked up the folded sheets Alecander had given him. Even the fitted sheets were neatly folded and really, who the fuck could do that? Shane wasn't sure he'd ever seen fitted sheets folder after purchase. An urge overcame him, and Shane put the sheets to his nose, inhaling. They smelled lightly of citrus but not much else. Clean, mostly. It was nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made the bed then got his game station plugged in properly. Alecander had a desk and chair in here as well, so Shane pulled out his laptop and set it up there. Alecander had gotten everything from his room, he noted. There was the gridball from a professional game Shane had watched with John and Maggie, which he placed near the game station. The pictures from Jas were there, and Shane hung them up. And the few books he had, Shane stacked on his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was finished, he sunk down on the bed and looked around. Shane didn't have a lot in his life, and that was suddenly really upsetting. Everything he'd ever tried to build was gone, and now there were a couple trinkets of memory. In someone else's house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock sounded at his door, and he merely looked at it for a long, quiet beat. Alec didn’t knock again, but he could just </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> him still hovering outside the door, so he answered. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m throwing a movie in. Just some bland action flick, but if you wanted to watch…” His voice was just loud enough to be heard, but he kept an even tone that read as nervousness and patience all at once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane thought about it, sitting out there with Alecander for a whole movie while he still felt like moping and possibly drinking again. His stomach roiled as if to argue the drinking idea, and he sighed as he fell back on the bed. “Alright,” he called out and listened to Alec’s footsteps pad away. He’d get up in a second and join him. Why not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting to his feet, Shane wanted to get into something comfortable first so he didn’t spend the whole movie in a pair of jeans. He grabbed his sweats and when he pulled off his shirt, he paused. He looked down at himself and sighed. A slight beer gut and biceps that were only big because they were softly padded with fat. He used to be fit, running around the gridball field with John. He used to be at least somewhat more confident when his succession of failures hadn’t eaten him up yet. Now he just felt...inadequate. He shoved an old college t-shirt on and hesitated on the sweatshirt. The farm was actually pretty warm, the small space collecting heat easily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed the sweatshirt anyway, not putting it on yet. When he stepped out into the living room area, he found Alecander already sitting on the couch, at a far end with his legs drawn up under him and leaning on the arm. He had a remote in one hand, setting the movie up and held a cup of something in the other hand. Something warm, as it steamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane sat at the opposite end of the couch, feet on the floor and clutching the sweatshirt across his middle. He folded his arms there, too and felt stiff. He was sure he looked stiff, too, but Alec didn’t say anything. He just smiled and clicked on subtitles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hope you don’t mind. I sometimes have a hard time following their conversations without them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Shane shrugged. He actually preferred subtitles as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made a pot of tea if you want something to drink before it starts. Got some honey, sugar, or milk for it, too,” Alecander offered, not yet hitting play on the movie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane wished he would just start the movie and not fuss over him. The man was achingly nice, and it felt misplaced. Shane didn’t deserve the attention he was getting. But the man had gone through the trouble of making it, so Shane nodded and got up. “Thanks,” he said as he went to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mugs are in the cabinet next to the sink.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a nod, Shane opened it up and paused for a moment. All the mugs were different, seemingly a collection from many places that the man had lived in or visited perhaps. As he reached up, his hand hesitated before settling on a clay looking thing with an artsy design. It was a bit heavy but looked nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane poured his tea, added a little honey, and padded back to the couch. He sat cross-legged now, cradling the cup between his hands with the sweatshirt next to him, forgotten. He sipped carefully and smiled. It was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movie was just as bland and action packed as Alecander had promised. The plot was so easy to follow, because there wasn’t one, that they found themselves pointing out things in the movie to each. Usually making fun of some overreaction or discussing how something could have been done better. They paused half-way through to pop some popcorn and refill their tea mugs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Standing in the kitchen, Alecander reached the pot over to refill Shane’s mug. “I don’t know why I love these movies so much. I know they’re shit, but they drag me in every time.” He smiled, ducking his eyes under those fucking long lashes in a way that read shy, which was odd because the man had made friends with half the town and seemed so good at his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane chuckled. “They’re amusing without making you think too hard. It’s easy entertainment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s all so unrealistic.” His smile changed a little, warming up as Shane received him well. “That gun fight was just insane. Yeah, amusing, like you said.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Shane had forgotten Alec had been in the war. It was at the tip of his tongue to ask about a real gun fight, though the rational side of him won over the curiosity. That could not be a topic that Alec would be comfortable discussing, especially after they’d both just made the point that this sort of movie was perfectly made for </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinking about heavy things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I uh…” Shane coughed and looked away, wanting to talk but not able to look at Alec while he did. “I just wanted to say thank you for helping me. You’re really going above and beyond, you know. I’m a pathetic mess you shouldn’t have to clean up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander sighed and leaned back on the counter. “You’re welcome. Look, I’m not going to argue with you tonight about what you are or aren’t, but just know that I’m good with you being here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up at the other man, really looking, Shane was met with a sincerity that struck him. Again, he felt that Alec was actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>seeing</span>
  </em>
  <span> him in ways that others didn’t. “Alright.” He grabbed his bag of popcorn and gestured back to the couch. “Keep watching?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely,” Alec grinned and led the way back to the television. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time when they sat, they weren’t so far apart. Neither clung to the arms of the couch, but rather turned toward each other so they could better talk and point out things about the movie together. And they ended up following it up with two more and wiling away into the late hours of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt good. Shane couldn’t say he felt happy necessarily, but he enjoyed himself. He decided that was enough for now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The Stardrop-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Since both Harvey and Alecander had insisted that Shane take the week off from work, he decided to help Alec out on the farm. There was a lot to do and the man got up crazy early in the morning to complete everything. Also, Shane might have really wanted to hang out with the chickens. He had become the one to go in their coop in the morning, feed them, change the bedding out. They were still young since it had only been a few weeks, so there weren’t eggs to collect yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the third day of helping, and when he came out of the coop this morning to open the hutch, he found Alecander leaning on a hoe wiping sweat from his brow. He’d gotten a new bunch of seeds yesterday and it would take a while to get the earth ready to plant them all by himself. Shane grimaced as he looked at the man in the early morning, the sun casting a golden glow on him and that too-tight t-shirt he was wearing. His arms were getting defined the longer he worked the farm, and the rest of him looked good, too. Shane glanced down at himself, at the pudgy body poorly hidden under his ragged blue sweatshirt, and he grimaced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he looked back up, Alecander had caught sight of him. The man smiled and waved. “How are the girls?” he called across the space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Shane called back. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and made his way over. “Need help with this?” Who knew. Maybe if Shane helped with some farming he’d lose a few pounds or something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you want. I have another set of tools in the shed there,” he said pointing to the little addition next to his house. “I’ll be out here all day, so I won’t say no, but seriously, only if you want to. It’s a lot of work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane waved off his concerns and went to the shed. He grabbed a hoe and joined Alec. Together they worked up a new plot of field. Shane worked slower than Alec, quickly gathering a sheen of sweat and needing to cast his sweatshirt aside. He tried not to pay attention to the differences between himself and Alecander, but his mind was a treacherous asshole. And when he caught Alec looking over at him more than once, his mind raced with self-doubt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to be noticing his gut, the way his breathing was labored under this work, how the sweat was making his hair greasy. And Alec was there looking perfect in his toil; fucking debauchery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably get some water,” Alec said leaning on the hoe again and smiling at Shane. “My first week I probably drank a gallon every time I stepped out here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Shane wasn’t sure what else to say. He would appreciate the break though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked inside and Alec poured them both tall glasses of water. He handed a glass to Shane and then tipped his back. Shane sipped at his own, watching the way Alec’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. With his head tilted at this angle, his jawline was razor-sharp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a realization he couldn’t stop and should have seen a mile away, Shane decided he was very attracted to Alecander and he choked on his water. Now was not the time for this sort of epiphany. He was stuck living with the guy, imposing on hospitality, and to develop a crush now was just the worst timing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?”Alecander asked looking over as he sputtered on his water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Shane coughed and cleared his throat. He took another sip to prove his point. “Yeah, all good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander nodded. “Right, I have to get back out there. Thanks for all the help. It really made the morning go by so much quicker.” Alec set his glass on the counter. “Help yourself to anything in the fridge. And I was thinking tonight we could go to the Stardrop and get a pizza?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sure. I mean…” Shane jawed a moment. He hadn’t been back to town since moving in with Alec, and he hadn’t spoken to Marnie in that time. He knew she liked to go to the Stardrop to catch up with people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>People. It was sure to have gotten around town what had happened with Shane. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face all of that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander stepped closer, putting a hand on his shoulder and drawing his attention. “Hey, if you’re not ready, it’s no big deal. I’ve got some stuff we can make here. Maybe throw in another movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way the man looked at him shifted something in Shane. If he was there with Alec perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. “No, it’s probably time I went out.” He realized he hadn’t had a drink in all that time either because Alec didn’t have any alcohol in the house. Maybe he’d have a couple beers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. If you change your mind or decide to leave when we’re out, no big, okay?” He squeezed his shoulder and then went back outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane thought about joining him, but he was tired. So he took a shower and then plopped down to play some video games. There was something changing here, something changing in Shane. He couldn’t quite place it, but it scared him while also giving him a bit of hope. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the Stardrop, Alec and Shane grabbed a table near the fireplace and put in their order. They both had a beer mug in front of them, and Shane was thankful that Alec didn’t say anything negative about it. He wasn’t planning on getting trashed; however, the alcohol helped calm his nerves. There were too many people in here, and they were absolutely looking and whispering. He gripped at his drink and tried not to look at any of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I’ve been talking with Robin, and in the winter there’s not a lot of farming options. I haven’t made enough money this spring and it’s nearly summer, so I’m thinking of building a greenhouse.” Alec swirled his drink and leaned forward on the table, attention completely on Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looked at him, caught off guard from his thoughts. “I’m guessing it’s going to be a big project then, to have the space to keep up your level of production.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It’ll cut into a lot of my savings. Well,” Alec laughed. “Actually, it’ll drain them but I think it’ll be worth it. What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> think?” Shane raised a skeptical eyebrow and crinkled his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, what do you think? Should I do it?” He took a sip of his beer. “Or should I like, pick up a shift at Joja Mart for the winter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted and shook his head. “You’ve gotta be crazy to want to work at Joja. Didn’t you leave Joja to come here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec shrugged. “Well that was some corporate gig. Typing numbers all day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, so stocking shelves all day will be different? Same repetitive mechanic, same mind-numbing fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, maybe you’re right. So greenhouse it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a thoughtful frown, Shane nodded. “Sounds like you’ve got it all worked out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, just taking it as it comes. I’ve been lucky so far, I think.” Alec sat back as their pizza was brought over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luck. Shane wasn’t so sure. “Maybe, but your luck is taking a lot of hard work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both contentedly eating in silence when the peace came to a crashing end. Marnie approached slowly, her hands wringing in front of her. Alecander offered her a smile, but looked at Shane to be the one to invite her into conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as Shane wanted to send her away, he just as much wanted to apologize and promise he was doing something different. He wasn’t though, and that was the problem. She would see right through his lies like she did every time. This wasn’t the first time she’d kicked him out to fix himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” he said at almost a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Shane. You look good.” Marnie sat down at their table, hands now fidgeting on the tabletop. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged. “Good.” It wasn’t a lie so much. He was doing good staying at the farm. He had been out of Joja Mart for a while which helped. But he didn’t think ‘good’ would last. “For now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and her eyes landed on his beer. “Jas was asking about you. I told her Alecander needed your help, but that you’d see her when you could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he said and pulled his hands away from his beer. Her look felt accusatory and it felt wrong to keep his hands around the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you doing, Alecander?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty good, too. Shane’s been helping out a lot and that’s been a huge time-saver. I think the girls like him better than me, though. Everytime he goes in their coop they get fluffy.” He grinned at Shane, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the happy look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marnie chuckled. “You’ve always been good with the animals. Especially chickens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded but stayed quiet. This was going okay. He didn’t want to mess it up. His body tensed when Marnie touched his arm gently. He looked at her and she smiled, but it was sad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you get yourself better, Shane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me, too.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Nightmare Returns-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane had been staying with Alecander for five days now. He was helping on the farm every day, and the last three he’d been in the fields with him. Alec had to admit, it was a lot nicer having someone else to do it all with. He was going to miss Shane’s company when he went back to work in three days. Alec had half a mind to ask Shane to come on as a farmhand, split the profits and give up Joja Mart. But was Alec making enough money for that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, it wasn’t like he couldn’t get money from the trust fund and other family assets. Just yesterday his mother had sent him a bunch of money just because she was thinking about him. His parents often tried to buy his love even when he protested that approach. The money didn’t matter; he could pay Shane just fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Shane seemed to do so well on the farm. He did bring beer into the house finally, yesterday, but he wasn’t over drinking. He moped a little, which was expected. But there seemed progress. Of course, change often brought unsustainable progress. Alec knew there would be relapsing, rough patches that would need working through, so was he ready to deal with that? The man needed a friend, Alec had insisted, and so yes, he was ready to help Shane through his shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only fault in that plan was that as much progress as Alec had made on his own issues, they weren’t gone. And that night, they came back with a vengeance. Alecander hadn’t had night terrors in such a long time that he’d begun to hope they were a thing of the past. They came back to him that night, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The problem with night terrors is that Alec was hard to wake during his episodes. Unexplained fear gripped his mind and he would lash out at something unseen while in bed. When he was alone, this wasn’t a problem. He would wake the next day exhausted and not remembering any dream or he’d wake from the terror immediately, ready for a fight and unable to get back to sleep that night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since Shane was in the house with him, it went a little differently. This time he must have been making noise, and the other man came to see what was wrong. All Alec knew was that he woke in terror, fearing for his life and finding someone looming over him. He lashed out, snatching at the figure before him and bringing it down on the bed. Alec pinned the figure and straddled him, cocking a fist back to strike out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alec! It’s me, man!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s shout rattled Alec and he found himself looking down at the man cowering beneath him. “Oh, fuck. Shane...I’m sorry.” He let go and climbed off, getting to his feet and backing away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck was that?” Shane asked, sitting up on his elbows to look at Alec.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. It’s, um, I thought I was over that.” He shook his head and slumped against the wall behind him, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Night terrors left over from the PTSD.” He didn’t like to talk about it, and if it wasn’t Shane asking, he would definitely have brushed it off. But Shane was different, and he wanted to be open with the man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard Shane moving off the bed now but kept his face in his hands. How stupid was he, not warning Shane? Attacking the man when he came to help. Alec couldn’t believe this was coming back to him. There wasn’t any reason, no trigger for it all. Why now, of all times?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands were on his arms, guiding him away from the wall. Shane was leading him out to the living room where he sat him on the couch. Crouched in front of him, Shane looked up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay, Alec. I get it. You don’t, I mean, it wasn’t your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heh, I’m supposed to be the one helping you.” Alec let his hands fall away and just looked at Shane now. Those stupid sad eyes looked like they were sad for Alec now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair play and all. Besides, my shit was getting tiring.” Shane patted his leg and then stood up. He went to the shelf with the books and movies. “Well, I’m not likely getting back to sleep. Wanna watch a movie?” He held up an action flick about car thieves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec nodded. “Sounds good. Snacks? I got those pepper poppers in the freezer still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Man, you know me so well.” Shane grinned as he put the movie in the player.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though his body was still coursing with the dregs of panic, Alec found it wasn’t so bad with Shane here. There was someone else to focus on, words and a person to distract his mind. He didn’t mind that he wouldn’t be getting back to sleep because at least he didn’t have to sit alone in his fear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the couch, Alec sat close enough to Shane that their legs were touching, balancing a shared plate of pepper poppers between them. Fuck him if it didn’t feel good, and now he had to remind himself that this was friendship and nothing more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Shane fell asleep. His head tilted onto Alec’s shoulder and he was trapped. Flipping through bad television stations, Alec just waited it out. He even dozed a little, on and off, though it wasn’t exactly restful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the sun was coming up, the chickens loud out in the coop, Shane stirred. They both pulled apart from each other and stretched. Shane’s cheeks were tinged pink, and Alec pretended not to notice. Alec stood and tried to work a kink out of his back. “I need to get out there. If you want to try and catch some real sleep, I’ll take care of the girls today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I’ll come help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, they put on some work clothes and headed out for the day. Instead of splitting up today though, they worked side by side. First, they went into the coop, cleaned water dishes, restocked food bins, and changed out the dirty bedding. Then they went to the fields and gathered things that were ready to be harvested. Alec couldn’t help the looks he kept stealing at Shane, smiling at the way his shirt rode up to show his lower back when he bent down to grab tomatoes. The man was a strong sort of stocky, soft edges from beer drinking and slowing down since college making him look fucking delicious to Alec. It was such a pretty looking soft that Alec could run his hands over for days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Shane caught him looking and frowned, Alec blushed and looked away. Fuck him, he was going to ruin things if he kept this up. He didn't want to scare Shane off just because he was attracted to him. He could control that. He could be friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes I wish I was like, six inches taller,” Shane muttered as they placed their fruits and veggies into a big wicker basket sitting between them. “I looked good in college, you know. When I was working out and playing sports.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec scoffed and saw a flicker of pain on the man’s face. “I mean, I believe you, I just. I don’t know, I think you look good now.” He looked away, biting down on his tongue. That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> how you kept distance. The man needed a shoulder to lean on, not a dick to fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane returned the scoff and was quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They went back to work, the sun hot in the beginnings of summer. Once things were harvested and the rest watered, they walked back into the house for some water. “I need to take some of that down to Pierre’s. Wanna ride along?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Shane said, setting his glass into the sink. “Shower and change first?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you go first. I’ll get the tools picked up and decide what I want to keep.” Alec drank a second glass of water then went out to their basket. It was heavy as he lugged it to the back of his pickup truck. That was good; he’d make some good money from this haul. The tomatoes looked fucking good. He snagged a few of them, some of the berries, and enough beans to have on the side of a meal one night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive into town was short, but they rolled the windows down and Alec went slowly. Some low music played on the radio and it was nice. Shane had his arm hanging out of the window, fingers splayed in the wind as they drove. He looked relaxed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they pulled up in town, Alec cut the engine to the truck. The plaza was busy today with people standing around chatting, the kids snacking in the grass nearby, and Pierre’s door was propped open with people milling about inside. Shane looked tense now, and Alec thought it was a shame that he felt so uncomfortable around people who should have been looking out for him the same way they looked out for the others in the town. Then again, based on the conversations with Linus, perhaps not everyone was as open as they came off at first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That reminded him, Alec had some food he wanted to bring the man. And he needed to chat with Harvey. He hoped Shane wouldn’t mind the extra stops. They both got out and Shane helped him carry the basket inside. Pierre met them with a smile and paid for the goods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abigail was standing inside and waved to Alec. He waved back but turned to Shane. “Hey, I gotta talk to Harvey. Meet me at the truck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m going to get a few things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No more frozen pizza,” Alec groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, popcorn and beer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Alec let it go. At least it wasn’t more pizza. He stepped out and crossed over to Harvey’s clinic. Maru was manning the front desk today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up and smiled that bright smile she gave everyone. “Hello, Alecander. How can I help you today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Harvey in?” He asked, tapping his fingers on the counter. “I wanted to talk to him about some medicine if he’s got the free time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, he’s in the back. You can go back there, just knock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Alec said and went through the doors toward the back office. He knocked on the door, heard the man mutter a ‘yes’, and went in. Harvey was at the counter looking at a patient chart. “Hey, Harvey. Got a minute?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey turned, a look of mild panic on his face. “Is everything okay? Shane...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, we’re good. I’m here for myself, actually.” Alecander folded his arms over his chest, uncomfortable with the conversation that needed having. “I used to be on a medicine, but the problem went away for a while. It’s back and I need my medication again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, what is it?” Harvey pushed his glasses up his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tofranil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey sucked in a whistled breath. “That’s some heavy stuff. And expensive. You know, there’s a generic-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t work. Tried it, trust me. So, what do you need from me to get my prescription going again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scratching at his cheek, Harvey made a grimacing face. “That’s some heavy stuff,” he said again. “Can I have your previous doctor’s notes? We should probably discuss what it’s for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander nodded. He knew this wasn’t going to be an easy ask, and the medicine took weeks to start working. “Yeah, my psychiatrist in Zuzu City can fax it all over, I’m sure. I would just like to have it supplied here so I don’t have to make constant trips to the city. I was using it for night terrors and depression. Suffered PTSD a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey raised an eyebrow. “A while? Not an easy thing to get over and go off meds from.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Alecander shrugged. “I was good for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything in particular bringing it back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that I can figure out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was an awkward silence where Harvey pondered everything. Then he turned and grabbed his laptop. “I’ll put in the order now. It’ll take a few days to get here from Zuzu City, not something I keep stocked. In the meantime, please get me those files. I’d like to keep an eye on things while you start this up again, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds fair.” Alecander knew that his meds and condition came with supervision. Always had, and Harvey likely wasn’t used to this sort of thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Going back out, Alecander found Shane leaning against the truck, hands in his sweatshirt pockets. He had one foot up on the step, head down as he avoided drawing attention from other people. He looked good, Alec thought then swept away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said coming over. “Got one more stop if that’s okay. I have some things I want to bring to Linus. You can come or stay here with the truck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Linus?” Shane asked with a screwed up look of confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. We’ve been talking the last couple weeks and I thought he could use some things.” Alec went to the back of the truck and pulled out the bag he’d put together for him. “Coming or staying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coming, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two walked up from the plaza, through the field with the broken down community center, and up along the river toward the mountain lake. They strolled in silence, but it was nice. Companionable. The weather was nice and the work had been done early in the afternoon so the day wasn’t completely gone yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At Linus’s tent, the man was sat next to his fire just looking out over the lake. It was a really nice view.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Linus!” Alec called out happily. “How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Linus turned with a smile that faded somewhat upon seeing Shane. “Hi, Alec. Good, good. Just enjoying the weather.” He looked at the bag in his hands and frowned. “What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec held it out to him. “I had some really great tomatoes come in this week. Thought you might like to try some.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thank you! That’s a great gift.” He took the bag and rooted around inside, pulling out one of the fat, red fruits. He bit right into it, not seeming to mind the juice that ran down his chin into his beard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec smiled. “I gotta get back, but you take of yourself, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always do, Alec. Always do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the walk back, Alecander could feel Shane keep looking at him. Finally, when he couldn’t take it any longer, Alec looked over at him. “What did I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane blushed. “Just, how do you do that so easily with people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People just like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec shrugged. “You don’t like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane groaned and rolled his eyes and his whole head. “I do now, I guess. But seriously, you can’t walk through town without someone stopping you and you’ve been here, what, nine weeks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten and a half,” Alec corrected with a shrug. “I just listen to them. Linus is easy, he likes who he is and I let him be that. Abigail wants adventure, so we talk stories. Sam wants to be a kid for a while, and Sebastian wants to be understood. Everyone’s got something, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you know how to find it and be just what everyone needs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean, kind of. I’m not going to talk sci-fi novels with you like I do Sebastian, and I know that Evelyn wants someone to listen to her, not talk to her. I’m me but I let other people be them, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. “You make that sound easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec didn’t know what to say to that, but he could go back on one of the comments. “You like me now huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>tolerate</span>
  </em>
  <span> you because you couldn’t leave well enough alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knocking into his shoulder, Alecander chuckled. “I like you, too, you know. You’re fun when you aren’t fighting yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. I see something right underneath all that doom and gloom your depression puts on you.” Alecander quieted his voice as they entered town, keeping close to Shane to keep their conversation private. “I know that what you’re going through is going to take time, but it’s nice to see those moments where you’re just, I don’t know, happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” It looked like Shane was really thinking on this, and as they got in the truck and headed back toward the farm, they both fell into contemplative quiet again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not ready to go back yet. Wanna take a drive and just blast some music for a while?” Alecander asked, idling at the turn that would take them home or off to the stretch of highway that ran along the valley.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A drive and music sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they took off for a few hours, just driving and letting the music wash over them. Alecander had always found this therapeutic. It was a time he could just let go of things and zone out of his life for a while. Shane seemed to appreciate it as well. It was dark by the time they made it back to the farm, and they both stumbled around trying to wrangling the chickens back inside. Some nights, the girls just didn’t want to go back to the roost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All in all, it was a good day.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Backslide-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane was back at Joja Mart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane was back at Joja Mart and it was fucking hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed an item from the box, put it on the shelf, grabbed an item from the box, put it on the shelf, took an item from the box…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. He might have been a fuckup, but he was worth more than this miserable job. He could do more than this. But no one in this shithole town would touch Shane with a ten foot pole after all of his episodes. He was the town drunk, not someone you hired because you thought he was a reliable guy who’d be good for business. He couldn’t even go into the city because he didn’t have money to do so. He was trapped and it was all his fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That week working the farm with Alecander had been the best week Shane had had since coming back to this town after the accident. He’d tasted what life outside of society’s bounds was like, and he couldn’t stand to be stuck back at this dead end job. He was going crazier by the minute, and all he could think about was drinking it all away again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mind spiraled the longer he stocked shelves. How this was his life and always would be. How he’d had his chances and shattered those against a wall too long ago. At the end of his shift, Shane was out of it completely. He grabbed a six pack and stepped outside into the dusk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The farm waited for him with Alecander and his stupid meaningful looks and hopeful words. Shane couldn’t go back to that right now, not like this. He’d been doing so well, damn it! But that was when he’d been living through a dreamscape, one week of heaven amidst the hell that was his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he wandered out to the lake again. Cracking open a beer, he let it wash through him as he walked along the lake side. He looked at the water and felt the need to cry take over everything else. He was too small and stupid for this world. Not enough, never enough. If he was worth anything, he would have taken control of his life by now. The only time he’d felt happy was when someone had taken control, moved him onto a farm, and had him help with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane had never gotten himself to that place of happy. He had no control over any of this. As he wandered further into Cindersap forest, the rush of the ocean crashing against the cliffs reached his ears. He was on his fourth beer and was sad now that he hadn’t bought more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Standing at the edge of the cliff, he looked down at the waters. A wind had blown in today and the waters below were rough, breaking their white caps against the rocks and spraying upward. Shane could feel the salt breeze on his face as he finished his fourth beer. He tucked it in the empty spot and pulled a new one from the pack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would be real simple to take control of his life, wouldn’t it? The one thing he could control was how to end it. He’d atoned enough. He’d dragged his soul through torture and drank himself crazy. This was enough. He put his feet closer to the edge, toes hanging over it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drop was a long way down and there was an outcropping of rocks beneath. He’d need to hit those or he’d just get swept up in the water and possibly survive. Just a step and he’d be free, body smashed on the rocks below and good riddance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t do it. Gasping, Shane fell back on his ass, spilling his beer and breathing heavily as he sat in the grass. “Fuck, fuck!” he cried to the open air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shane?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander’s voice came out of nowhere and Shane rolled over to look for the man. How the fuck had he found him out here? He didn’t want the man to see him like this! He’d be letting someone else down, and he hadn’t even been able to go through with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander jogged over and crouched, grabbing at Shane’s shoulders and helping him into a seated position. ‘What’s wrong, Shane?” He didn’t answer. “Please, talk to me. You didn’t come back and I thought…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane scoffed. “I couldn’t go through with it. I'm a failure even at that.” He grabbed at Alec’s arms, steadying himself. “I’ve just got nothing left, man. My life is a joke and I’ve got no control over it. I thought, I can control this part though.” He laughed, a maniacal broken sound in his own ears. “Fuck, I can’t even kill myself right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were going to jump?” Alecander’s eyes tightened in that concerned way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Psh-yeah,” Shane slurred. He looked into Alec’s eyes and froze. He’d been right. He let him down and he had the saddest fucking look on his face. That urge to cry came back and Shane just broke. Tears streaming down his face, he clung to Alec’s arms. “I’m sorry, this was stupid. I’m so stupid. What am I doing with my life?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander gathered him up in his arms, running a hand up and down his back and shushing him softly. “Easy, Shane. It’s going to be okay, I promise. We’re going to get you some help and it’s going to be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane tucked his head into Alec’s neck, his arms clinging to the man’s shoulders as he sobbed. He was a wreck and he didn’t know how to stop this moment, but for once there was someone there. Someone was holding him through a breakdown, not running away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, hours or minutes, but Shane cried himself dry and eventually slumped in Alecander’s arms. The man was careful letting go of him. Alec sat back on his heels and kept his hands on Shane’s arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to walk you back to the farm, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded. They got up, a little awkward since Alec didn’t seem to want to let go of him. But Shane fused about the beer cans. Standing on his own now, Shane stooped for the pack, added the spilled one, and walked beside Alec on unsteady legs. Each time he tripped, Alec’s hands were there to steady him. They made it back slowly, well into the night once they reached the farm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t be alone tonight,” Alecander said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looked at him, and he wanted to argue but something told him the man was right. Shane had tried to commit suicide and being alone now was daunting. “So…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s hang on the couch. We’ve fallen asleep there plenty; another night of that won’t hurt.” Alecander waited for Shane to make a move, watching him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, he nodded and dropped the empty pack of beer on the counter. “I’m just going to wash up a little and change,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, me too. Then pick a movie and I’ll get some food going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to watch a movie,” Shane whispered. He didn’t want to argue, didn’t want to hurt Alec’s feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the man was as good as ever, the shit. “Alright, that’s fine. I’m still making food though. You should eat something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane caved and then went to wash his face and put on his sweats. He made a point of not looking in the mirror, shoving himself into his sweatshirt and pulling the hood up. He curled up on the couch, lying down with his head on one of the armrests and feet tucked up enough to leave Alecander room to sit down, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander came back a while later with rice and sauteed veggies. It was simple, something easy on the stomach. When the smell reached him, Shane realized he was actually starving. He’d only snacked on his break at Joja Mart and hadn’t had actual food since breakfast too many hours ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting up, he took a plate and slowly picked at it. The silence settled in and he wondered if he shouldn’t have said yes to the movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to take you into Zuzu City tomorrow,” Alecander said softly. It felt like he was testing the waters here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looked over, curious. “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a group I think would help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to take me to AA?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander nodded. “It’s not just alcoholics. It’s an open anonymous group that I went to. The woman who runs it is fantastic. Or, if that’s too much, there’s a psychiatrist I went to as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane thought about it a moment. The group would have a lot of people, and Shane didn’t do great with new people let alone crowds of them. But the doctor was intimidating, too. A professional who had their life together and would see what a disaster Shane was. But Alecander went to these people. They couldn’t be so bad if he turned out the way he did. So, group or psychiatrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’d rather see the psych. But won’t we need an appointment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander smiled. “I have a standing appointment time with him. I usually call in, but I’ll give you my spot and we’ll go in person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” And he supposed it was alright. The cliffs had been a disaster. Shane had never reached the point of actually trying to commit suicide before, though he’d thought about it plenty. And he couldn’t go through with it, so that said something. Pushing aside the thought that it said he was a failure, Shane tried to cling to the idea that it meant he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be alive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-The Doctor-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive to Zuzu City was much like the one they’d taken out along the valley highway. They had the windows down, the music blasting, and tossed out occasional observations to one another. Shane was really starting to enjoy the man’s company. There was such an easy way about it, nothing demanded or expected when Shane couldn’t give anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane had been to Zuzu City a number of times, had gone to college here, but there was always a bit of a shock when first driving in. Everything was so much bigger and louder here than out in the country. It had been four years since he’d been back, and it looked different. Of course, he’d been a different person the last time he’d been here, so that might have had something to do with it. And Alecander drove them down streets he didn’t recognize.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pulled into an affluent looking neighborhood, one Shane would never be part of, and came to a stop outside of a small business plaza. It was all doctors and lawyers. Shane felt out of place immediately in his jeans, old sneakers, and stupid sweatshirts with the holes in it. He chewed his lip and looked at Alecander.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell. Are you rich?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec shrugged his shoulders. “Sort of, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s jaw dropped. “Wait, for real?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents are rich and I have some money and assets from that. I’m trying to make my own life with the farm, though.” Alecander cut the ignition. “Ethan works with all kinds of people, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ethan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The psychiatrist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Shane looked back out of the windshield at the offices. He shrugged out of his sweatshirt, hesitated, and then pulled it back on. It was a comfort and he’d rather be judged for the look of it than be without it. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander stepped out of the truck and walked with him inside. The office was pristine but cozy. He’d expected some modern art nouveau furniture and art pieces that didn’t look like anything real, but instead the office had cozy looking arm chairs, pictures of the country on the walls, and health magazines on a low coffee table. The lighting was cast low and soft instrumental music played.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t a front desk, but the door they’d come through had a bell on it. Shane guessed they’d hear it, know someone was waiting, and would come out when they finished with whoever was in the room with them. There were four doors in a hallway from the entryway, each with different names on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can sit if you want. He might be a minute since it’s not quite one o’clock yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane watched Alec take a seat and pick up one of the magazines. He flipped through it in a way that showed he wasn’t really reading it but just passing the time. So Shane settled down in a seat next to him. He felt anxious, fidgeting in his seat and pulling at the strings to his hoodie. He rolled one of the aglets between his fingers, surprised that the plastic coating hadn’t been chipped away yet. Then he looked at Alecander.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been seeing this guy for a while?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Alec said, tossing the magazine down. “Once a week for the past few years. Well, I’ve had the appointment standing since I came here and called a few times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What stopped you from going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander shrugged. “I have months where I stop, figure I’m better and don’t need the help. Sometimes it lasts for a while, sometimes I run right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane wanted to ask more questions, to probe him about this doctor like he should have on the drive down, but it hadn’t occurred to ask until sitting in the office. However, the office door opened and out stepped a man who looked like a stereotype from a movie. He had round glasses and a brown sweater vest. But he also had a really nice smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alecander, it’s good to see you.” He came over and Alec stood up, the two embracing in a hug. Shane watched quietly for now. “You said you had something a little different for me today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec gestured over to Shane. “Yeah, I’m giving my time slot to my friend, Shane.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane stood up, rubbed a hand over his pants then extended it to the doctor who shook it. “Good to meet you,” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shane, a pleasure. You can call me Ethan.” He turned part way down the hallway and extended his arm directioning toward the room. “Why don’t we go inside and get to know each other a little better, hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing hard, Shane looked at Alecander who just gave him a little nudge. So, he followed Ethan into the room and found it just as cozy as the outside. There was a couch against one wall, a table next to it with a bowl of chocolates, and next to that was an armchair. Across from it was an armchair and ottoman which Ethan sat on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, make yourself comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chose the couch, sitting against the arm of it much like he had when he’d first gone to Alecander’s. Shane looked up and jawed wordlessly, not sure what to say to start things off. He’d never spoken to a therapist before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First time can be a little daunting, so why don’t I start things off,” Ethan offered. “Anything you say in this room stays here unless I think you are going to harm someone else or kill yourself. Then, I’m required by law to report it.” He shifted on the seat, watching Shane nod his understanding. “That said, if you admit to previous suicidal attempts or are self-harming, those are things you and I handle. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded again. He wasn’t ready to talk about his suicidal attempts yet. But those are what had brought him here, so he’d have to, right? He should.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, Shane, in as much or as little detail as you’re comfortable with, just tell me a little bit about why you’re here. Why did Alec want to bring you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane balled his fists and took a few breaths. “I tried to kill myself. Sort of. I mean, I couldn’t do it so I don’t know if ‘try’ is even the right word.” He pursed his lips and looked down at his hands in his lap. “I drink too much and hate everything about myself, so Alec’s worried I’ll try again, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was quiet for a few heartbeats, Ethan spoke up. “What started the drinkin?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Shane had to think about that. He’d been a partier in the last years of high school and it got worse in college. But the problem drinking, the drinking to numb the feelings didn’t start until the accident. “Five years ago, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan was studying him now, and Shane felt the need to look up at the man. They caught eyes and Shane expected to see some judging calculation there, but instead he was met with a look a lot like Alec gave him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what happened five years ago?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane balked, coming too quickly to something real. “Aren’t you supposed to be taking notes or something? Talking to me about my relationship with my mother or some buried childhood issue?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan merely smiled. “I’ll remember our session just fine. And I don’t think your childhood is the issue right now. You’re deflecting once we touch on the thing bothering you. And that’s okay,” Ethan leaned forward on his chair, “It’s okay that we might not get to that right away, but it’s important that we found a trigger, yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looked at him with a frown. “I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, something happened five years to spark the drinking. Is that also when you started hating yourself, or was that earlier?” Ethan sat back again, creating space and a sense of safety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Earlier, I suppose.” And Shane really had to think about that one. Ethan seemed to take note, and he stayed quiet while Shane worked through his thoughts. “High school. It’s when things I did just started falling apart. You’re pushed to figure out what you’re good at, go to college to do that thing, but I couldn’t find that thing. Whatever I tried always failed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what is that you want now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” Shane froze. “To be happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan smiled. “Good. I think we can figure out how to do that together.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Offer-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the drive back from the city, Alecander felt the question climbing closer and closer to being spoken. He wasn’t sure that Shane would say yes, but the man was going through enough that he might want the escape handed to him. If he actually thought working on the farm was an escape and not just some new cage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were nearly back to the farm, coming up the valley road that had become familiar to Alecander now. “You know, it was a lot easier last week when you were around helping on the farm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Shane hummed and looked over, his hand still trailing from the window even as the night brought colder air into the truck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clearly he wasn’t getting the hint. Alec chuckled. “Yeah, and I had a crazy thought.” He pulled up to the turn to head to the farm. “If you wanted a different job, I would hire you on as a farmhand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane laughed. Then he looked over and saw Alecander’s serious expression and stopped laughing. “Wait, for real?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. That week was nice, actually having someone to talk to and not having to do things alone the whole day.” Alecander glanced over then back at the road. “I know you hate Joja Mart, and hey, leaving Joja did me good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was it. Alecander had thought maybe the conversation would be a lot more drawn out, that he’d have to convince the man that it was alright, like he had to convince him on everything. “Hey, you get to tell that Joja asshole to shove it. That’ll be fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely a highlight of the week, yeah.” Shane smiled as they pulled into the spot near the house. “We should go out for food after to celebrate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander chuckled. “Sure, sounds good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They climbed out of the truck and both had the same idea, but Shane was quicker about it. He jogged over to the chicken coop and stuck his head inside to make sure the three hens were safely in for the night. He looked back out and waved Alecander over then slipped inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander pulled down the hutch door and went in after Shane. He found the man sitting in the middle of the coop with a chicken already in his lap. Smiling, Alecander sat down next to him and scooped up his own chicken and set her in his lap. He scritched along her back and smiled as she fluffed up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re getting big,” Alecander said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm, they grow surprisingly fast.” Shane bent himself in half to kiss the top of one’s head. “They seem really happy here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander beamed. “Do they? Good. I’ve never taken care of chickens before.” He scoffed. “Hell, my parents never let me have any pets growing up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Afraid the pet would ruin the mansion?” Shane gave a wry laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much,” Alec said. The man wasn’t far off, and he could take a jab at his privilege. “Did you grow up here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded. “Mostly. Went to college in Zuzu, but here was always home. My parents left when I was in college, but I didn’t have any reason to follow them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chickens in their laps clucked softly. The third one wandered over and settled next to Shane's leg. He looked content, if not happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander pursed his lips then swallowed and asked, "So, did the session go alright?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged. His eyes were locked on the chicken in his lap. "Yeah. Actually, we talked about me quitting Joja."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, that must have been why he was ready enough to accept the offer. "Heh, good."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw Shane's lips twitch in something that was nearly a smile. "We should probably go to bed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander resisted suggesting ‘together’ and just nodded. He gently set his chicken down and got to his feet. They walked back inside together, making sure to lock the coop door. Instead of going right to bed, though, they hesitated in the open space before they sat on the couch together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm glad you decided to work here." Alec glanced over, the body heat from Shane's leg resting against his a reminder of the man's new found comfort in the house and around Alec.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Me, too. Wasn't sure I would accept, but that doctor got me thinking about a few things." Shane let his head fall back on the couch and his eyes closed. "You know I'm gay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That caught Alec by surprise. He made an aborted noise in his throat and Shane opened his eyes to look at him, worry clear on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec needed to speak, reassure him. "I, um, no but uh, I'm...not straight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane raised an eyebrow. "Not straight? What's that mean exactly?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, I am pansexual. Gender doesn't matter to me any which way." Alec now felt nervous. Gay men and straight women didn't always take well to his admissions, feeling as though he was just confused and not wanting to deal with losing him to a changed sexuality down the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane surprised him for a second time tonight. "Oh that's cool. Interested in people for who they are, not their, well, genitals." The seeming sudden realization of his sentence's end brought a cute blush to his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec had to tighten his hands to fists to keep from leaning over and kissing the man. He could not push his feelings on the man right after that confession. That would be such a horrible breach of trust. He should say something though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like you.” Fuck. That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> the thing to say! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Shane just stared blankly at him. “Yeah, you’ve said. And I tolerate you.” He grinned playfully, but his cheeks were still such a bright pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Alec shook his head a little. “I mean, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> you. Since we’re spilling confessions and you’re living here and working with me, I guess you should know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Shane was staring again. Dumbfounded, it seemed. His mouth opened like he was going to say something, but he closed it again, frowned and scrunched his eyebrows. “You...like me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> like </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Shane’s hands came up and made a sweeping gesture. “You, this fit hot guy, like me this-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was all he could take, knowing that Shane was going to spout something awful about himself. Alecander leaned across the space between them and planted his lips on Shane’s. He didn’t reach out for him, didn’t wrap his arms or push against him, just kissed and gave it a moment to see if Shane would kiss back because that little speech didn’t sound like he didn’t like Alec. In fact, it was mostly just surprise that Alec liked him, so maybe Shane liked Alec.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Shane was kissing back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The awkward way in which they leaned across the couch quickly put a twinge in Alec’s back, so he shifted carefully. Shane moved with him, and sunk his fingers in the piles of Alec’s hair. Almost tentatively, Alec put a hand on Shane’s thigh, another wrapping around the back of his neck, and their kiss deepened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane was panting against Alecander’s lips when he pulled back to look at him. Their eyes met, and any question Alec still had about Shane’s feelings were knocked aside by the blown-out pupils and the blissed look on his face. “Alec,” he huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should, um. I shouldn’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man groaned and leaned forward again, grabbing at Alec and pulling him back into a kiss. This one was rougher, needier. And Shane took control. His hands gripped at Alec’s shirt and pushed him back against the arm of the couch. Shane followed him down, slipping a leg between Alec’s, careful not to crush him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You good?” Shane panted over Alec’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah,” Alecander stared up at him unsure if this was really what Shane wanted. “You um, I didn’t know you liked me, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane pulled back enough to shoot him a look with a raised eyebrow. “Really? You didn’t think I’d like you, the nicest guy in town who </span>
  <em>
    <span>insists</span>
  </em>
  <span> on being in my life, getting me out of Joja corp, and looking ridiculously hot out on his farm? </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> should be the one questioning all of this. I mean look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander swallowed. “I am.” He leaned up and kissed Shane’s neck. “I really like what I see. I thought when I was staring at you while we worked that I was making you uncomfortable, but I just couldn’t look away. You looked so good in that t-shirt and jeans, working up a sweat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was uncomfortable because I’m fat now. I don’t look good, not like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pssh,” Alec nipped at his neck and pulled his hips down to put more of Shane’s weight on him. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> look good. All those soft, beautiful curves. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on you,” he said as his hands ran up Shane’s sides. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re all athletic and muscle-y.” Shane seemed confused, but he was no less excited. He was hard in his jeans, pressed against Alecander.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? I enjoy the work that leads to the body I have, but I like my guys softer. The weight is nice and I just, I don’t know. I like it,” Alec said and grinned. He put his lips to Shane’s neck again, kissing up and down. “Can we get back to making out now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted. “Sure,” he said in a voice that sounded a little choked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fell back together, hands wandering and hips occasionally grinding as they slowly discovered each other. When things were getting really intense. Alecander pulled back, panting heavily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure we should, um. I mean, I don’t want to take advantage of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t be taking advantage. Besides, if you’re up for it, I kind of wanted to fuck you.” Shane sat up, straddling Alec’s hips. “So long as you don’t mind that I’m usually a top.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander flushed. Here he thought he’d have to take point in this, what with Shane’s self-doubt, but that statement turned things suddenly. Alecander, as the tall and fit partner, was often assumed to be the top, but he preferred to bottom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't mind at all." He knew he looked as needy as the man above him and when Shane let out a growl of a noise, Alec couldn't hold back a moan and grind of the hips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bed?" Shane asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec nodded. "More room. Lube and condoms in the drawer." And even in his blissed out state, he watched Shane's reaction to the condom comment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded and pulled himself off the couch, holding out a hand to Alec. Taking it, Alecander was hauled to his feet and right into another kiss. At this angle, he had to lean down a bit to reach the shorter man comfortably. Still, it was Shane who was clearly in charge. It was his tongue delving into Alec's mouth, his hands steadying Alec as Shane guided them both to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The backs of Alec's knees hit the edge of the bed and with a light shove from Shane, he tumbled back onto the bed with a soft grunt. Leaning up on his forearms he looked at Shane with a tilted smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Take your shirt off," Shane said, standing at the end of the bed and staring down at Alec. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shiver ran down his spine. Alecander sat up enough to yank the shirt off himself and then leaned back again to show off his body. He was still breathing heavy with excitement. Shane's eyes roved over him and a look of hunger twisted his lips to a smile. The man reached down and started on Alec's pants. He lifted his hips to help and Shane shucked the jeans away. Naked, Alec lay back on the bed feeling excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane went to the bedside table and found the condoms and lube. He brought them over to the edge of the bed and hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec knew. The way his hand hesitated on the hem of his shirt spoke loudly. Sitting up again, Alec put his hands on the shirt and slowly lifted it off Shane. He couldn't help the little gasp when the man stood shirtless before him. He had a soft tummy on a frame that had clearly been athletic once. Alec ran his hands over him and hummed as his fingers made it to the dark chest hair. It felt wonderful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You feel fucking great in my hands, Shane."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grunted in response and pushed Alec back down, climbing on top of him again. Their lips crushed together but Alec could feel Shane working his own pants off. It took some maneuvering, but they were pressed naked together shortly. Neither could pull away for long moments of grinding and exploring each other's mouths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Shane pulled off and went up on his knees. He had a thick cock, and Alec bit his lip; that was going to be a stretch. He couldn't wait to feel the man inside of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane grabbed a condom and tore it open with his teeth. Alec wanted to touch, to help, but he also knew there was still some hesitation here due to self-esteem so stayed still and watched Shane's face. The man was focused on his task, unrolling the rubber on his cock. Then he grabbed the lube and dripped some on his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up, Shane and Alec locked eyes. "You still good?" Shane asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander grinned and nodded. "Fuck yeah." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Shane's wet fingers were at Alec's ass, slicking him up. Alec dug his heels in the bed and spread himself for Shane. He tossed his head back and moaned when Shane slipped a finger inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fff-" he lost the curse to a keening sound when Shane added another finger. He worked Alec open carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When his fingers left him, Alec cried out and he went back up on elbows. Shane was chuckling and dripping lube on the head of his cock. "You sound fucking delicious. I hope you're this vocal all through sex."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am," Alecander reassured. "Especially when you're doing it right." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane laughed and grabbed one of Alec's legs, wrapping it around his own hips and lining the head of his cock up to Alec's ass. "How's this, babe?" he asked before sinking his cock inside of Alec.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound that came from Alecander started as a strangled shout and ended as a clenched-teeth groan. "Fuck, Shane. Oh, shit that's…" Alecander couldn't finish. His head was tossed back, eyes closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane held still for a moment. "Damn, Alec, you're gorgeous. You ready?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec's eyes opened. "Yeah, no wait, one second." Shane was wide inside him and he needed to shift. Moving the leg not wrapped around Shane's waist, Alec planted his foot and lilted his hips up, making Shane sink even deeper inside of himself. Both men groaned. "Okay, yeah, good."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane pulled out halfway and sunk back in slowly a few times, both of them adjusting to the feeling of the other. Then he grabbed at Alec's hips and thrust harder. He set a quick pace and made Alec's head spin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Body on fire, Alec moaned and whined as the orgasm built inside of him. He wrapped his other leg around Shane and used his arms to help balance and thrust back. He had his eyes on Shane, kneeling between his legs and pounding into him, when he felt his body give in to the ecstacy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shane, ah fuck, I'm cumming." He barked out his orgasm and his body tightened around Shane's cock. That was all the other man need and then his hips stuttered as Shane released as well, still buried inside of Alec.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Body shaking, Alec collapsed. His legs fell away from Shane who carefully extracted himself before sitting back on his heels and just breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That was good," Shane hummed. His eyes were closed as he sat there. His body had built up a sheen of sweat, and Alec thought he looked beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Up on an elbow, Alec reached out and ran a hand over Shane's chest. "Yeah it was." He was grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane opened his eyes and looked down at him, then he smiled, too. "So…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander chuckled. He hadn't thought about what they'd do after sex. He knew what he wanted to do though. "Should we get cleaned up and curl up in bed?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged. "Probably."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a little awkward, but they climbed out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom together to wipe off with washcloths and toss the condom away. When they went back out, Shane looked like he was heading to his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where you going?" Alec asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning with a raised eyebrow and hands hovering over himself trying to hide, Shane shrugged. "Figured you meant our own rooms."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I- no, I thought we'd stay together. If you want, I mean." Alec felt presumptuous now and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling exposed more than being naked could make him feel. "If that's not, I mean we said we liked each other but that doesn't mean. Um, I don't know. You don't have to stay in my bed tonight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane smiled and came over, pushing Alec's shoulder. They walked together back to the bedroom. "I used to like cuddling after sex," Shane said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Used to?" Alecander pulled the blankets down and they crawled in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Haven't had a serious relationship in a while. Most sex I've had was casual." Shane sat up against the headboard and pulled Alec over, under his arm. "No call for much sentiment after."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mm." Alec rested his head on Shane's chest and wrapped an arm over his middle. "This is nice. Getting to bottom and be the cuddled one. Usually people want me to fill the dominant role."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane put his hand in Alec's hair. "I prefer the dominant role. Helps me keep my mind in the game instead of on insecurities."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander yawned and snuggled closer. "I do think you're handsome, you know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah." Shane didn't exactly sound convinced, but he didn't argue either. "So, uh, what is this?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking for a moment, Alecander shrugged. "Not sure. Dating, maybe. I mean I'd like to explore things with you. Since we both like each other, we should see if something between us could work, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Makes sense, yeah. But you know I'm a fucking mess."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec shrugged. "And you saw I got problems, too, but we can help each other. It's easier with someone."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why don't you already have someone?" Shane kept playing with Alec's hair, the mess falling out of the bun and falling over his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She left. There was someone for a while, but she couldn't handle what happened to me after the war." He shifted and ran his fingers over Shane's body, the tactile helping him talk. "We were together when I was a soldier, then broke apart a while and tried again when I left the hospital, but she couldn't handle the night terrors and mood swings."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My last relationship was in college. That ended when. Well, it ended badly. After that, random hookups were enough." Shane sighed. "I didn't want to connect to anyone because I didn't want to live. I guess that's, um, changing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm glad." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fell into a familiar quiet and simply existed in each other's arms until they both fell asleep.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>-The Next Morning-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane woke with Alecander’s head still on his chest, an arm wrapped around the other man’s shoulders. The blankets were strewn about and it was the cold that woke him before the sun was up. Trying as carefully as he could not to wake Alecander, Shane fidgeted with the blankets to pull them up further. It didn’t work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec woke and stirred in Shane’s arms. “Hey,” he murmured in a rocky voice. “Time’s it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still really early. Sorry, I was cold.” He tugged the blanket to make his point. Alec shifted with him and helped get the blanket situated, then they snuggled back up together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you might have been trying to leave.” Alecander put his lips to Shane’s shoulder and left a trail of kisses to his collarbone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” One of Alec’s hands snaked up to Shane’s hair and tangled into it, scritching at his scalp and sending shivers down his spine. “I like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You keep saying,” Shane chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Alecander tensed in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine. I,” he sighed. “I’m just used to a lot of negative self-talk. It’s going to take a while to get used to something different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting up, Alecander moved so that he could straddle Shane’s lap. His hands spread over Shane’s chest, lightly dragging his nails down and back up. He leaned forward and kissed along Shane’s jawline. “You going to quit today? I can come with you and then we can get pizza at Stardrop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea,” Shane said, tipping his head back to let Alecander move his lips over his neck. “Since we have some time, wanna keep this going?” He put his hands on Alec’s hips and ground his own hips up against his ass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea,” Alecander parroted with a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blankets that had been untangled were pushed away again, and Shane kept Alec perched in his lap. “Just like this,” he hummed. “Can you reach the drawer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander stretched over and snagged a condom and lube. Alec twisted, and fuck his bendy ability. Shane licked his lips watching him as he unrolled a condom on Shane’s erect dick, watched the way his abs tensed and loosened with his movements. Once Alec was facing him again, Shane pulled the man down for a kiss and snagged the lube from him. While he was bent in half like this, Shane slicked his fingers and wetted his ass. Alec started in with those little noises that drove him insane and Shane knew he wasn’t going to last long this morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lined himself up and slid into Alecander, bottoming out in one smooth motion. “Fuck, that’s good.” Shane held still for a moment as Alec straightened above him, one hand on Shane’s chest and the other reaching back and grabbing Shane’s thigh. His back arched and head tossed back with hair splaying everywhere when Shane thrust up into him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Shane, please. Go hard,” he whined as he sat on Shane’s cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grabbing Alec’s hips, Shane did just that. Neither of them lasted long and after a rolling orgasm, they fell together and breathed heavily with each other. Shane could really get used to this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was still dark when they were cleaned up and dressed, heading out to take care of a few things on the farm before they had to go to Joja’s. Shane went right for the chicken coop and spent some time with the girls. When he came back out to open the coop door and let them wander for the day, he found Alecander fighting with the irrigation system.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just walking over when Alecander yanked on something, fell back on his ass in the dirt, and a spray of water went all over him. The dirt quickly became mud, and Alecander slipped as he tried to put the pipes back together properly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, shit, shit!” he yelped as he fought against the spray.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing while he jogged to the shut-off valve, Shane quickly shut the system down. “You good there, Alec?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other man shook his head and just sat defeated in the middle of a muddy puddle. “Well </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to be a project. I guess I’ll have to do some watering by hand today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help,” Shane offered and went to the shed to fetch the big watering cans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took them awhile to get everything done, but they had fun doing it. Alecander made sure that Shane ended up just as muddy as he was, and they might have lost a few plants to some rough housing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They. Shane liked the sound of the word and wondered how long he would be able to just enjoy the bliss of a new relationship. With the help of a therapist, he hoped a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the two had gotten washed up, Alecander drove them into town and parked outside of Joja Mart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Want me to come in with you?" Alecander sat with an arm on the wheel, looking over at Shane with an encouraging smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." Shane turned to open the truck door, hesitated and turned back. "Wait, yes. I can't go in there alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was all it took. Alecander’s smile widened and he climbed out of the trunk immediately. The two walked inside and Shane couldn’t believe he was doing this. He’d never been the one to walk away from something, to quit. It was as exciting as it was nerve wracking, but with Alecander at his side, he figured he could handle just about anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morris was standing behind his desk off to the right hand side of the as usual. He looked up with an angry frown. “You are forty-seven minutes late to work, Shaun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ‘Shane’ and I know. I’m here to quit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man dropped the clipboard in his hands and stumbled over some unintelligible words. “You- you- you can’t</span>
  <em>
    <span> quit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No one </span>
  <em>
    <span>quits</span>
  </em>
  <span> JojaMart! You’ll never get another job with us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane hesitated until he felt Alecander’s hand touch down on his lower back. “I don’t really give a fuck. Joja can shove it.” He heard Alec chuckle behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is highly unprofessional! If you think you’re going to get any references, you’re only kidding yourself. Even if you weren’t quitting, you were useless, Shaun. One of the worst-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander stepped closer, wrapping an arm around Shane. “He’s already got another job, Marvin. Now get his final paycheck and paperwork put together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morris stuttered over his words again and fumbled with things in front of him. He pulled open drawers and shuffled things around. “Well, I don’t know who you are to be-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m his new employer, and the guy who’s going to make your life a living hell if you don’t hurry this up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looked up at him with wide eyes. He was really pushing it. Alec just looked down and winked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have contacts within Joja management who would be happy to hear from me,” he added and Morris quickened his pace. He had paperwork pulled out and ready for Shane to sign stating termination date and last pay date. Alec and Shane double checked it all looked okay, then Shane signed and they were walking back out to Alec’s truck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was...exhilarating. I can’t believe I did that.” Shane turned and jabbed a finger at Alec. “I can’t believe you did </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec shrugged and pulled Shane over to him, putting a kiss to his forehead. “Hey, I had to deal with them for years back in the city. If Morris is all the way out here, he doesn’t want corporate checking in on him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. “So, pizza?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm.” Alecander drove them over to the Stardrop Saloon and the two went in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was early afternoon so there wasn’t really anyone else inside yet. Alec and Shane took up their normal table and got a pitcher of beer and a pizza. They sat back, glanced at each other a few times, and burst into laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you see his face?” Alecander asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was great, Alec. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They chatted away about the farm for a while, and when the pizza came they were quiet long enough to shove a few pieces in their mouths. Then they talked about the irrigation system. Shane couldn’t believe this was his job now, to run the farm with Alecander who he was now dating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all seemed rather unreal and rather perfect. They wound up at the bar longer than they meant to be, and the place started filling up with people. Shane froze when Marnie came in. He needed to talk to her again, to start to make things right, but he wasn’t sure she’d welcome that yet. Sure, she’d come over and talked to him, but that was on her terms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander apparently knew something was up. He reached across the table and took Shane’s hand. “Come on, I’ll go with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To talk to Marnie. I saw you look at her a few times.” He smiled. “She’ll appreciate an update. And to know you’re doing okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Alec for a few long moments before nodding. “Yeah, alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They got up and walked over to Marnie’s table. She smiled at them both, shook Alec’s hand, and offered them a seat. “How are you doing, Shane?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I uh, quit Joja’s today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. “But how-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alecander hired me on. I’ll be working the farm with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” She looked at Alec who nodded with a smile and then she smiled. “Oh! That’s great news, Shane. I thought that kind of work always suited you better than some job in a market that you hate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded, and he started to relax as he watched her calmly taking the news. She seemed genuinely happy for him. “Also,” he looked at Alec first and when the man nodded to him he continued, “we’re dating. Alec and I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Marnie’s eyes went wide. “Really?” She turned to Alecander. “Really!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alecander nodded again. “Yeah. I wasn’t sure he’d go for it, but he said yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and Shane?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec laughed. “Of course. I’ve had a thing for him since moving here. Wasn’t sure he’d like me back, but here we are. He’ll uh, be staying with me longer than originally planned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marnie laughed. “Oh that’s fine. But you two have to come visit Jas. She really misses you Shane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, me too.” Shane leaned against Alec’s side. “Would it be okay if I brought her to the farm to see the chickens?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be great. She’d love that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- Settling Down -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t always have good days. In fact, he fought a lot of really bad days with his depression, but being with Alecander was so much better than being on his own. Likewise, Alecander’s night terrors had come back with a vengeance and that was just something they dealt with together. They came up with  ways to help him out of it that didn’t involve Shane getting punched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they both kept going to see the therapist. The man delved into issues Shane didn’t even realize he had, and he helped Shane realize that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to live. He helped him realize that while, yes, Shane had been driving the car during the accident, he hadn’t been at fault for John and Maggie’s deaths. Shane hadn’t been drinking when he got behind the wheel, and it was only the rainy roads and bad breaks which had caused the accident. It could have happened to anybody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The farm became a place of solace for Shane. He was able to find himself once more. Together with Alecander, they built it up into something amazing, even taking crops out to farmer’s markets around the valley. And while Shane lost a little of his beer gut, he let himself enjoy food and life and his relaxed body because the way Alecander fawned over it made Shane feel really fucking good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, he was happy.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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